Crazy, adventerous, outdoorsy, and girly with hidden hint of rocker punk. I writes stories and music in my spare time and love to sing.
Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend reached over and pinched my love handles and said "Where did this muffin top come from?". Then he proceeded to sing "Do you know the muffin man?" to me. FML
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On 02/10/2010 at 7:30am - misc - by muffingirl (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)
Today, a friend offered to have sex with me, since I'm a 19 year old virgin who's only been kissed. He then added on that I would have to give him my Wii in return. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32522) - you totally deserved it (4049) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 11:52am - intimacy - by VelocityMary (woman) - United States
Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26074) - you totally deserved it (2048) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 9:56am - kids - by Rae (woman) - United States
Today, I was downtown with my boyfriend around Noon when we walked past a few guys who shouted out to me "You're the most beautiful girl we've seen all day". My boyfriend's response was "It's still early." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32604) - you totally deserved it (2148) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by epicc1584 - United States (Maryland)
Today, I came home about two hours early from a friend's party. After I walked in and upstairs, I quickly and quietly left and went back to the party. I guess my parents decided to have a little party as well. It's called a threesome with my neighbor. They still don't know that I know. FML
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On 07/21/2009 at 3:47pm - intimacy - by emkatch (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I received a "diamond ring" in Mafia Wars (a facebook app) from my boyfriend of 3 years. Along with the ring came a message. It read, "Will you marry me?" He was serious. FML
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On 07/17/2009 at 8:56am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML
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On 07/16/2009 at 10:59am - misc - by MadMax (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit and she screamed "Don't touch me there!". Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
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On 07/15/2009 at 7:22pm - kids - by shway (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used my boss's address, and wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, and he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confirmation email, though. FML
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On 07/15/2009 at 4:17pm - work - by Alex - United States (Virginia)
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
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On 05/29/2009 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by FMLFMLFMLFML (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I got my belly button pierced. The guy put a small dot with a sharpie right above the center of my belly button so he knew exactly where to pierce. I also have a small freckle noticeably to the left of center of my belly button. Guess which one he pierced through. FML
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On 05/29/2009 at 11:47am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying 'I'm good' or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML
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On 05/16/2009 at 5:13am - misc - by UncleRory (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML
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On 05/12/2009 at 3:19am - health - by bathroomseww (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was on my way home when I saw a cop hiding behind a Budget truck. I immediately slowed down and prayed that he wouldn't give me a ticket. Then I realized I was walking. FML
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On 04/30/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by kas (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops, looks directly at me, and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN!" and proceeds to flip me over, grab his clothes, and run out of my room. FML
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On 04/30/2009 at 8:15am - intimacy - by soooyeah (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
