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LostKezia's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 04/11/2014 at 7:49pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Kids
Today, I got my first massage. At the end, the masseuse made a gesture indicating which way the exit was. After having had her hands all over my body for the past hour, I thought the gesture was indicative of a goodbye hug. Things got awkward really fast. FML
by AlwaysAwkward / 03/02/2014 at 9:30pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I received a call from my future sister in-law, telling me that she and her future husband had decided to hold their wedding ceremony on my birthday. I was told not to celebrate my birthday, as it would "take away the attention to the true meaning of the day." FML
by SuzyTurquoiseBlu / 08/29/2012 at 1:32am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, I spent hours baking an apple pie to impress my future mother-in-law. I was especially proud of the fact I'd made the crust and filling myself. When I served it to her, she picked off the crust and, between mouthfuls, bitched that it was nothing like canned pie filling. FML
by ohgodwhy / 04/20/2012 at 4:24pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/26/2011 at 10:32am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, my doctor told me my asthma was being triggered by my dad's smoking. He wrote a note to my dad, asking him to refrain from smoking while around me. My dad took one look at the note, then threw it in the trash, saying the doctor "doesn't know what he's talking about." FML
by Wtf / 04/29/2011 at 12:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I remembered my mom got her carpet cleaned and to be careful while she was at work. To be nice, I vacuumed the whole house. Feeling proud of myself, I got a drink and went upstairs. I tripped and spilled red Kool-Aid all over the floor. FML
by xMiSS_CuTiEx / 12/27/2009 at 5:25pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a blind date. It was going well until I brought up my views on politics. He then told me to shut up because women were incapable of intelligent thought. Then he asked if I wanted to go back to his place and have sex. FML
by OnlyIfYouLoveMe / 11/23/2009 at 12:12am / United States / Intimacy
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- Today, I was talking to a customer, when I choked on my spit. After I could breathe again I was so… Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time.… Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed…