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Lorenzzon

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Lorenzzon

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 299
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Lorenzzon : Everything i wrote was deleted so FU FML!

Lorenzzon's page activity

Visits<b>JayGatsby</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 1:16pm<b>ez24_</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 1:26pm<b>LegoHouse17</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 2:01am<b>ashleylove0525</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 5:57pm<b>Cherryta</b> - the 05/30/2014 at 1:18pm<b>ironfey</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 7:41pm<b>AngryRussianGuy</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 6:19pm<b>Ghost_Kaulitz</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 9:10pm<b>Miss_Whipped</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 5:24pm<b>kissingcars</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 1:28am<b>lirideout</b> - the 05/18/2014 at 8:52pm<b>cassieperiodbee</b> - the 05/16/2014 at 5:34am<b>carleybeak</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 10:53am<b>S232Flash</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 7:43am<b>MrsHaxxo</b> - the 05/08/2014 at 6:11pm<b>CorpsmanUp88</b> - the 05/08/2014 at 12:44am<b>harshallmeim69</b> - the 01/15/2014 at 5:32pm<b>gingaa96</b> - the 12/23/2013 at 6:17pm

Lorenzzon's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of Lorenzzon's badges

Lorenzzon's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44019) - you deserved it (16403)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

#21210892
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51379) - you deserved it (3570)

On 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm - kids - by fuck you, kid (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

#21207158
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42406) - you deserved it (7007)

On 07/12/2014 at 4:19pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

#21200680
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52933) - you deserved it (7992)

On 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by oh shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went on a job interview. The interviewer said it all went well, but he can't hire me because I've got a nose piercing, and that type of "image" isn't the kind they're looking for in their employees. This is the guy who had a full sleeve tattoo. FML

#21200605
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43103) - you deserved it (7162)

On 07/06/2014 at 2:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

#21190541
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42954) - you deserved it (6130)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML

#21133982
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63711) - you deserved it (8102)

On 05/08/2014 at 9:55am - love - by STOP (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

#21111156
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36068) - you deserved it (8460)

On 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I would like to thank the program designer that put "Set as home page" directly under "Remove from history". FML

#20991949
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37866) - you deserved it (10064)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:38am - misc - by The_Rest_of_the_Story (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML

#20953788
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55345) - you deserved it (4059)

On 11/11/2013 at 10:55am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

#20908628
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48915) - you deserved it (6615)

On 10/05/2013 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by -____- (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

#20680679
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55081) - you deserved it (4279)

On 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60604) - you deserved it (20243)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)



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