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Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25317) - you deserved it (4080)
On 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24412) - you deserved it (3459)
On 08/20/2011 at 3:42am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21963) - you deserved it (2345)
On 08/17/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15745) - you deserved it (41130)
On 07/14/2011 at 4:14pm - work - by sbutler (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had to give a reference for a former employee. I tried to say he was always willing to give us a hand on the job. Instead, I said he was always willing to give us hand-jobs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12922) - you deserved it (19881)
Today, I updated my facebook status as "lost all contacts, need numbers". My mom commented saying "her phone didn't get reset, she just doesn't have any friends". Her comment got 32 likes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38221) - you deserved it (6060)
On 05/17/2011 at 12:05am - misc - by Username -
Today, my mom confused me with my dad. She got in the shower with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70690) - you deserved it (4720)
On 04/22/2011 at 7:11am - intimacy - by Damian -
Today, my wife and I were planning our nursery for our future child. She said that we'd be painting it pink either way. I asked what would happen if we had a boy. She said "Oh, he'll be gay" with a menacing glare. I'm worried. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32597) - you deserved it (4966)
On 04/16/2011 at 6:59am - misc - by Worried (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, while sleeping over at my girlfriend's house for the first time, I got up to go to the bathroom. I went to go back and once in the room asked, "You ready for round two baby?" The light came on and at this moment I realized I went into her parents bedroom by mistake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13285) - you deserved it (28779)
On 11/28/2010 at 2:10am - intimacy - by apavies444 - United States
Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25213) - you deserved it (4137)
On 11/08/2010 at 5:55am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)
Today, was parent appreciation day at my daughter's KG class. On the stage, each child was asked to define each parent in one word. When it was my daughter's turn, she looked at me hard, thinking. Finally, in the end she said, "My daddy is very fat." Everybody stared. FML
I agree, your life sucks (126) - you deserved it (4499)
On 05/23/2010 at 7:00pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my mom and I were going to the store. I decided to stay in the car while she went in. In the car next to me, there was a dog in the driver's seat barking at me. Bored, I barked back at it until I realized there was someone in the passenger's seat watching me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5883) - you deserved it (22055)
On 12/23/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by ApolloandDixie (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was on a plane. The person sitting next to me was using the plane's wifi, and was on Facebook. They joined the group 'I hate sitting next to fat people on airplanes'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27818) - you deserved it (8211)
On 12/14/2009 at 1:49pm - misc - by fatman (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get sized. I put the card that says my size in my pocket, then went to the movies with my boyfriend. When the person at the counter asked me to hand them my ticket, I reached into my pocket and handed it to them. It wasn't the ticket. It was my bra size. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6139) - you deserved it (19753)
On 12/13/2009 at 1:39pm - love - by StrawberryJuicey (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I was at the beach with my friend for vacation. We were playing Marco Polo in the ocean and I was Marco. I thought I heard my friend, so I lunged forward and grabbed her. Too bad it wasn't my friend, it was an old guy in a pink speedo, and I grabbed his butt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17505) - you deserved it (6465)
On 12/05/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by yoyo22 - United States
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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