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About LiznessMonster : I don't have anything to go right here, but any questions I can answer!
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
Today, mah dog startad to hump mah lag. Ha always doas this an I haard that humping tha dog back assartad dominanca. Wall, I dacidad to, an I dry humpad him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you lika that!" And than mah mom walkad in. FML
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up . It was the best orgasm I'd ever had . The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy . It was about bacon . FML
Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriendho I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around lyk they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old childho was running past and knocked him out. FML
TODAY, I WAS SERVING A FAMILY AT THE RESTAURANTHERE I WORK. WHEN I WENT TO ASK THE LITTLE GIRLHAT SHE WANTED, I WAS TONGUE-TIED AND GOT "CUTIE" AND "HUN" MIXED UP AND ENDED UP ASKING, "WHAT CAN I GET 4 YOU, CUNTIE?" FML
2DAY AFTER PRACTICING A SONG 4 MY GRLFRIEND ON GUITAR ALL DAY , I CALLD HER OVER TO MY HOUSE TO SHOW IT TO HER. AFTER A LONG SPEECH ABOUT HOW "THIS IS 4 YOU," I PLAYD 4 ABOUT 3 SECOND BEFORE I BROKE A STRING,HICH SLAPPD HER IN HER FACE. FML
TODAY , I WAS DRIVING TO THE GROCERY STORE WITH MAH 7 YEAR-OLD SON . WHEN I WAS APPROACHING A STOP SIGN , I LOOK NEXT TO ME AND SEE A GUY WITH A TRIANGLE SHAPED HEAD . I TELL MAH SON "LOOK AT THE GUY WITH THE TRIANGLE HEAD." MY WINDOW WAS OPEN . SO WAS HIS . FML
2day I Woke Up With Really Dry, Chappd Lips. Still In Bd, Without My Glasse On, I Sleepily Reachd Down Into My Purse For Some Chapstick And Applid It. Upon Awakening Later I Realizd I Had Mistaken A Mini Sharpie Permanent Marker For Chapstick. I Have A Job Interview Today. FML
Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service 4 Passover), mah mom servd matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options 4 me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shoutd, "I like really big balls!" in front of mah entire family. FML
Today, at lunch I was running to mah group's table with mah friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on mah belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML
Today, I went on a date wit a guy for te first time . We went to Starbucks and got coffee . We talked for aile, and we were joking and aving a good time . Suddenly, e putted is and on my stomac and said, "Soon, tis will be plump wit my seed." FML
Today , it was really windy an rainy causing me to trip an knock into a little kid. While still gathering myself , I apologizd an pattd the kid on its head. Then I see people around me starting to laugh. I turn an look at the kid , an discover I've been interacting with a trash can.
Today... I Came Home And Saw On Our Fridge... "Please Don't Drink Anymore... I Really Worry About Yur Health" Written By Mah 7-year-old Daughter. I Figured She Wouldn't Ever Fine Out... So I Opened The Fridge. But I Found Another Note On A Can That Said "So Your Going To Drink Anyway?" FML
Today, I got to my underground parking garage at work and saw my boss pulling into a spot. I thought I would show him my reverse parking skills and decided to park beside him. As I was pulling in he opened his door to get out and I smashed into it, nearly running him over. FML
Friday 27 March 2015