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Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18937) - you deserved it (4581)
On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18937) - you deserved it (4581)
On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States
Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22036) - you deserved it (2844)
On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)
Today, at a family reunion, we all squeezed in for a picture. I set the self-timer and ran to get in it. 2 seconds before the picture went off, some guy came up, stole the camera, and ran away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18329) - you deserved it (1353)
On 10/15/2012 at 3:57pm - money - by Pissed (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21838) - you deserved it (4939) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 09/21/2012 at 7:31am - misc - by minibuch1505 - Sent from mobile version
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5240) - you deserved it (27820)
On 08/16/2012 at 5:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21550) - you deserved it (3673)
On 08/14/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24792) - you deserved it (2558)
On 05/08/2012 at 1:57pm - misc - by wtf is wrong with my country (man) - United States
Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37442) - you deserved it (6764)
On 05/07/2012 at 5:42am - intimacy - by quirrus (woman) - United States
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16717) - you deserved it (18055)
On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, a woman came to my counter and ordered 12 donuts, I said "OK sure, a dozen donuts." She paused, looked at me with disgust and yelled "I said 12, NOT a dozen." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37298) - you deserved it (2766)
On 12/20/2010 at 8:52pm - work - by morenita27 (woman) - Canada
Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62519) - you deserved it (6825)
On 06/07/2009 at 2:07pm - intimacy - by Person (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47197) - you deserved it (11857)
On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)
Monday 17 June 2013
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