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LimpNoodles69

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LimpNoodles69

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  • Number of visits : 94
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Consolation prize

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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

LimpNoodles69's favorite FMLs

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25473) - you deserved it (6589)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25473) - you deserved it (6589)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27895) - you deserved it (3430)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, at a family reunion, we all squeezed in for a picture. I set the self-timer and ran to get in it. 2 seconds before the picture went off, some guy came up, stole the camera, and ran away. FML

#20118194
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23963) - you deserved it (2028)

On 10/15/2012 at 3:57pm - money - by Pissed (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML

#20024799
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7290) - you deserved it (41676)

On 08/16/2012 at 5:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

#20019911
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28534) - you deserved it (4395)

On 08/14/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML

#19592298
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30346) - you deserved it (3076)

On 05/08/2012 at 1:57pm - misc - by wtf is wrong with my country (man) - United States

Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML

#19586096
362 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46246) - you deserved it (8861)

On 05/07/2012 at 5:42am - intimacy - by quirrus (woman) - United States

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

#19214836
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21590) - you deserved it (27269)

On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a woman came to my counter and ordered 12 donuts. I said, "OK sure, a dozen donuts." She paused, looked at me with disgust and yelled, "I said 12, NOT a dozen." FML

#14277072
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44931) - you deserved it (3626)

On 12/20/2010 at 8:52pm - work - by morenita27 (woman) - Canada

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

#170218
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55384) - you deserved it (14429)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)



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