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Lillie_bird

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Lillie_bird
  • Town/Country : Philadelphia, France
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 288
  • Number of comments : 14
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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Lillie_bird's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Lillie_bird's badges

Lillie_bird's favorite FMLs

Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

#21084464
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36262) - you deserved it (5260)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at my therapy appointment, I was spilling my guts to my therapist. When I'd finished, to get rid of the awkward silence, I asked, "I'm not crazy, right?" His response was, "That's bit of a loaded question." FML

#21066990
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33153) - you deserved it (5073)

On 02/20/2014 at 9:46pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

#21059471
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44191) - you deserved it (5976)

On 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while in the prison I work at, I came down with severe digestion issues. Master control probably laughed hysterically as they watched me wait at the security gates in a cold sweat, squeezing my ass-cheeks together like an inmate smuggling contraband. FML

#21047394
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36997) - you deserved it (3525)

On 02/01/2014 at 5:42pm - work - by TwistedCherub1 (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

#21043704
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40430) - you deserved it (10148)

On 01/29/2014 at 12:13am - love - by freed - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML

Today, my coworkers were bored. To solve this, they taped me to a chair and tried tickling me to death. My boss joined in. FML

#20971859
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39020) - you deserved it (3975)

On 11/26/2013 at 10:11pm - work - by tortured (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I could love anything more than her, and if so, what. I guess "bacon" was the wrong answer. FML

#20936378
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26588) - you deserved it (39369)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:58am - love - by BaconLover - Japan

Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML

#20807393
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37981) - you deserved it (25537)

On 07/28/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a bus and I was so exhausted that I fell asleep. According to a few other passengers, I nestled into the chest of the guy next to me, and hit him every time he made a noise. FML

#20795078
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39787) - you deserved it (8728)

On 07/21/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by accountnamevalid (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

#20633236
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20055) - you deserved it (37394)

On 04/30/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was at University when a giant mascot started walking in my direction. As they walked past, they whispered my name seductively. I still don't know who it was. FML

#20578916
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32156) - you deserved it (4563)

On 04/07/2013 at 10:51am - work - by confused - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

#20563680
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61613) - you deserved it (15550)

On 03/28/2013 at 11:11am - intimacy - by everyoneheard (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I heard of an inevitable world-wide bacon shortage on the news. FML

#20089182
394 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26362) - you deserved it (4699)

On 09/26/2012 at 2:57am - misc - by bacon lovers worst nightmare - United States (California)



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