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Lifestride305

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Lifestride305
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1760
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Lifestride305 : For some reason my account won't let me comment...but I can still read! I guess that means I just silently judge you all.

I like write FML's though. Because typing it out always makes me smile (kinda like we'll all laugh about this later thing)

So I share them with you. Enjoy

Lifestride305's last visitors

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You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

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You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Lifestride305's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out I do not have a fast metabolism, I've actually had a tape worm living inside me for 3 years. FML

#20875969
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52853) - you deserved it (2735)

On 09/10/2013 at 5:41pm - health - by Iskylite (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML

#20875790
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40756) - you deserved it (6020)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:44pm - misc - by Grand Slam (man) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

#20875776
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45013) - you deserved it (3820)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my sister, who knows I'm severely afraid of heights, got me tickets to sky dive for my birthday. When I reminded her of my fear, she stated that she forgot and should just keep them for herself and her boyfriend. My mom agreed. FML

#20875635
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41903) - you deserved it (3330)

On 09/10/2013 at 10:56am - money - by PartTimePrincess (woman) - United States

Today, I told a guy he should be ashamed of himself for parking in a handicapped space. He hit me with his prosthetic leg. FML

#20875582
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15660) - you deserved it (80786)

On 09/10/2013 at 9:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, in order to try and get over my slight fear of swans, I went down to the local park to feed them. One decided that I looked tastier than the bread I was throwing and chased me around the feeding area while everybody laughed. FML

#20875531
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37090) - you deserved it (5497)

On 09/10/2013 at 7:36am - animals - by Evil_Angel_90 (woman) - Australia

Today, I found out my grandma wears dentures when I had to fish them out of a cooler. She lost them bobbing for beer at a local bar. FML

#20875421
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31003) - you deserved it (1883)

On 09/10/2013 at 3:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML

#20874714
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38537) - you deserved it (10012)

On 09/09/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by heyhijello - United States (California)

Today, while working as a cashier, a really cute guy came up and said, "Hi Morgan". I freaked out and asked him how he knew my name. He then replied, "You have a name tag". FML

#20874687
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29770) - you deserved it (16343)

On 09/09/2013 at 5:51pm - work - by anon -

Today, while at the zoo, I found out that the rhinos there can pee backwards, while standing directly behind one. FML

#20874616
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36175) - you deserved it (3501)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:51pm - animals - by Are you kidding me? - United States (Kansas)

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML

#20874571
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49521) - you deserved it (5693)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom bumped into a table with a glass vase on it. Seeing that the vase was about to fall, I lunged to catch it. Before I got there, the vase fell and shattered, resulting in me diving into the broken shards. FML

#20874413
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41028) - you deserved it (4794)

On 09/09/2013 at 1:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. -Mom and Dad." FML

#20874309
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49642) - you deserved it (19868)

On 09/09/2013 at 11:15am - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the guy I love asked me if hooking up counted as dating, because he thinks I'm "super hot," but he doesn't want "all the relationship shit." FML

#20874228
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41980) - you deserved it (4525)

On 09/09/2013 at 8:46am - love - by Renagirl (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I learned that my parrots now can shit horizontally when I found the wall next to the cage covered in feces. FML



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