LexxyKayy

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LexxyKayy

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  • Number of visits : 10617
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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LexxyKayy's page activity

Visits<b>Me_80</b> - the 06/18/2013 at 12:28pm

LexxyKayy's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of LexxyKayy's badges

LexxyKayy's favorite FMLs

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

by broken finger / 07/18/2013 at 4:53pm / United States / Health

Today, an old lady steamrolled over my foot with her wheelchair, then laughed as she slowly rolled away, leaving my toes in ruins. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 1:38pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML

by sucker and suckatash/say don't spray / 07/17/2013 at 6:06am / United States (Hawaii) / Love

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

by anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2013 at 9:55pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, my wife and I were having a fight, when she grabbed my car keys and threw them over into the neighbors overgrown junk yard. My car is a restored '59 Belvedere and the keys can't be replaced. I've been looking for hours and I still can't find them. FML

by ronnieG / 07/16/2013 at 12:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML

by Aliiiice / 07/16/2013 at 9:18am / France (Haute-Normandie) / Health

Today, I was stumbling down the street due to arthritic pain, when I accidentally bumped into a man. He turned and yelled, "Watch it, you clumsy, ugly bitch", to which I apologised and told him about my arthritis. He stared at me in confusion, then said, "Well, you're still ugly", and walked off. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2013 at 3:10am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2013 at 12:41am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

by needsnewshorts / 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was marking exams. I then had to explain to many of the students that (a) pigs are not aquatic animals and (b) sharks do not have lungs. These are university students. FML

by lame-o-prof / 07/15/2013 at 5:14pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I let my 3-year-old daughter watch Finding Nemo on my phone while I made her lunch. I returned to find she had dropped my phone into the fish bowl so that her goldfish could see his friends. FML

by thanks, Nemo. / 07/11/2013 at 7:13pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, I found out that the weird guy that lives next door is my biological father. FML

by yayme. / 07/11/2013 at 6:26pm / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML

by fucked up dad / 07/11/2013 at 3:50pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Intimacy