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Leebra's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML
by ouchers / 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I gave my 16 year old step daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me the hypocritical pervert. FML
by firewait / 05/12/2009 at 8:23pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML
by Anonymous / 04/28/2009 at 7:16am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having a dream that I was climbing out of a well. While almost out, I felt someone grab my knee; I screamed loud in terror. When I opened my eyes, nearly 25 people were staring at me. The lady across from me apologized for hitting me with her bag. I was on the C-train. FML
by bluemonday / 04/17/2009 at 7:47am / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation
Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML
by Hikara / 04/13/2009 at 9:44am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML
by eun / 04/08/2009 at 9:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a gay bar and asking a really convincing drag queen about her daily routine. I asked how she tucked her penis in. She responded, "Um, I'm a woman." I said, "Oh I'm sorry, are you pre-op or post-op?" She said, "No, I always have been and always will be a woman, asshole." FML
by thatwasmiz / 04/08/2009 at 2:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by aviators / 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, for april fools day, my entire class decided to prank our religion teacher. During our daily meditation time, while his eyes were closed, we slowly got out of our seats and left the classroom. Two minutes later he opened his eyes, locked us out, and called the dean to give us all detention. FML
by aprilfooled / 04/02/2009 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by KAAALIS / 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, during my choral concert, I was helping turn the pages for the pianist who was accompanying the singers. In the middle of the song, one of the pages slipped and fell into his crotch area. In a panic, I frantically reached to grab the music. Well, I grabbed something. It wasn't the music. FML
by a person / 03/04/2009 at 11:29pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML
by Señor Guapo / 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by hairy / 02/25/2009 at 2:15pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML
by foolishgirl / 02/25/2009 at 1:41pm / United States (New York) / Work
by Gale / 01/13/2009 at 10:01am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
- Today, as a freelancing musician, I had to pass on the best gig I've ever been offered (worth over… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I… Today, I found out my hours at work were getting cut and given to another employee. Not only are my…