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Today, I was fired for telling a customer's kid to shut his mouth. As revenge, I sent the CEO a picture I acquired months ago of my boss drunkenly pissing on a cow. He wrote that it was the funniest thing he had ever seen, and that I am "clearly an insufferable killjoy; a total liability to the company." FML
I agree, your life sucks (4722) - you deserved it (20016)
On 07/13/2012 at 8:48pm - work - by Alexander D. (man) - United States
Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19321) - you deserved it (4940)
On 07/13/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20125) - you deserved it (2381)
On 07/13/2012 at 1:08pm - kids - by Marjorie (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23532) - you deserved it (1871)
On 07/11/2012 at 9:29am - intimacy - by Sherry - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13023) - you deserved it (25560)
On 07/10/2012 at 6:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10551) - you deserved it (20829)
On 07/10/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Concert Flatulent - United States (Texas)
Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23761) - you deserved it (2625)
On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I bumped into a man on the street. I apologized and he picked up his wallet. To clear the awkward silence, I pointed out that his wallet looked like mine. It wasn't until I was on the next street that I realized it was my wallet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17730) - you deserved it (6807)
On 07/07/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Aaron Lewis - United States (Kansas)
Today, I discovered that I'm adopted. How? After a great lunch, I asked my uncle how he'd made the salad dressing. He replied, "Haha! It's a secret family recipe, my dear!" I wouldn't have thought twice about it, were it not for my parents' shocked expressions, and the long, awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20644) - you deserved it (1122) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, my over-protective husband went into an extreme fit of jealousy at the sight of me breast-feeding our newborn baby boy. He's trying to make me bottle-feed our boy, because apparently it's "wrong" to let another guy touch my boobs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34794) - you deserved it (3699)
On 07/06/2012 at 1:44pm - love - by wife of a shithead (woman) - Norway (Oslo)
Today, I sneezed my jaw out of socket. Yes, this is possible. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22622) - you deserved it (1279)
On 07/06/2012 at 11:03am - misc - by hotpatata - United States
Today, I had my end of year physics exam. I wasn't sure about some stuff, so I hid my notes and textbook in the bathroom. Halfway through, I got up, went to the bathroom, and as soon as I picked up the book, forgot what I was looking for. I can't even cheat right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4620) - you deserved it (34641)
On 07/02/2012 at 3:23am - misc - by Anonymous -
Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5097) - you deserved it (33966)
On 07/02/2012 at 2:07am - misc - by FuckYou - United States (California)
Today, my husband and I went to the store. Because we have no car, we had to walk four miles in the 115 fahrenheit weather. It didn't click until we were standing outside the door with a metric shit-tonne of ice-cream, that we'd have to tear ass back home to keep it all from melting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4580) - you deserved it (16392)
On 07/01/2012 at 1:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I saw my best friend, who's a cop. He was dressed up in regular clothes and with six other guys. I said, "Officer T.? Didn't you have work today?" Turns out he was undercover, and I blew his investigation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14031) - you deserved it (29663)
On 07/01/2012 at 4:45am - misc - by immabitch - United States
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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