This member hasn't filled in the description.
Socialite
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37689) - you deserved it (21343)
On 12/24/2012 at 1:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)
Today, I was riding the train and someone farted. Everyone looked at me. People always blame farts on the fat guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22039) - you deserved it (4363)
On 12/04/2012 at 11:04am - misc - by Banana (man) - Puerto Rico
Today, I went to Hollister with my grandmother. She immediately started yelling about the music being too loud, and ordered the staff to "shut the damn thing off". She was yelling at a bunch of mannequins. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17894) - you deserved it (3555)
On 12/01/2012 at 5:53pm - misc - by time to put you down, gran (woman) - United States
Today, I have a final for my precalculus class. After hours of studying this week, I felt pretty optimistic. Until I got to class and realized that I'd forgotten my calculator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17010) - you deserved it (5691)
On 11/21/2012 at 1:16pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Arizona)
Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23638) - you deserved it (4055)
On 11/16/2012 at 4:40am - misc - by mfischer (man) - United States
Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18139) - you deserved it (1881)
On 11/15/2012 at 9:40pm - misc - by needanewride - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7085) - you deserved it (29845)
On 11/15/2012 at 9:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7085) - you deserved it (29845)
On 11/15/2012 at 9:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7085) - you deserved it (29845)
On 11/15/2012 at 9:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33647) - you deserved it (1455)
On 11/09/2012 at 2:18am - love - by SebastianMiko (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15379) - you deserved it (1397)
On 11/08/2012 at 2:03pm - love - by 99Problemsandfml - Canada (Ontario)
Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22034) - you deserved it (1252)
On 11/07/2012 at 12:58am - misc - by NotAnExcuse (woman) - United States
Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13636) - you deserved it (28966)
On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States
Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13636) - you deserved it (28966)
On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States
Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37782) - you deserved it (1579)
On 10/27/2012 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Monkey (man) - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
