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KyuuketsukiApple

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KyuuketsukiApple
  • Town/Country : England, UK
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 17 December 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 2156
  • Number of comments : 54
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About KyuuketsukiApple : I'm not a grammar (or spelling or punctuation) nazi, but if you butcher the English language, I will point and laugh. It's nothing personal.

In case you were wondering, kyuuketsuki is Japanese meaning vampire.

KyuuketsukiApple's last visitors

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KyuuketsukiApple's FML badges

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

See all of KyuuketsukiApple's badges

KyuuketsukiApple's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend saw the name "Melissa" on my phone's contact list. After refusing to tell her who it was, she accused me of being a cheater, broke up with me and stormed out of my house. Melissa is the name of a woman from Craigslist who was going to sell me an antique engagement ring. FML

#19459497
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36036) - you deserved it (7484)

On 04/13/2012 at 1:09am - love - by rejected - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

#19336672
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20916) - you deserved it (7627)

On 03/24/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by purple - United States (Texas)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

#19330918
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43691) - you deserved it (4210)

On 03/23/2012 at 1:55am - intimacy - by mrricecakes (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had a nasty cough, but I went to college anyway. When I walked into class, I could practically smell menstrual blood in the air. After a few coughs, our instructor gave me an "Oh, shut up!" After half an hour, she kicked me out for not "taking the class seriously". FML

#19290632
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18655) - you deserved it (6695)

On 03/16/2012 at 10:21pm - misc - by danny5191 (man) - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up Tard Mode and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML

#19264126
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25998) - you deserved it (5669)

On 03/12/2012 at 12:27pm - love - by yamsterr (man) - United States

Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML

#19167589
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17739) - you deserved it (6641)

On 02/26/2012 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by still learning - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I saw a picture of my creepy uncle and me on Facebook, which he had captioned "me and my woman," and posted several lewd comments on. I guess he forgot I'm his friend on Facebook. FML

#19161997
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31664) - you deserved it (1923)

On 02/25/2012 at 4:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Virgin Islands British

Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML

#19124149
381 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23466) - you deserved it (3737)

On 02/20/2012 at 4:19pm - intimacy - by Gavin - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML

#19102316
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23079) - you deserved it (3205)

On 02/17/2012 at 7:13pm - intimacy - by -_- (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

Today, I had to call AAA for the fifth time in two months. When the driver got out, I instantly recognized him. It was the same guy who helped me out all the previous occasions. When he saw me, he snorted and doubled over laughing. FML

#19048671
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18956) - you deserved it (5201)

On 02/11/2012 at 1:35pm - misc - by big steve (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got into a fist-fight with a wasp, aka a Nazi helicopter. Despite swiping at it with ninja-like skills, I lost. FML

#19040540
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6563) - you deserved it (22237)

On 02/10/2012 at 9:13am - animals - by Stung (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came over to cheer me up after I'd had a sleepless night. He thought it would be a good time to propose. Unfortunately, it coincided with me yawning. FML

#19039912
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21536) - you deserved it (4322)

On 02/10/2012 at 4:37am - love - by ohgodwhy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was making out with a girl who I've had a crush on for a while now. It was all going fine until one of my teeth decided to dislodge itself. She promptly spat out the tooth and left. FML

#19039187
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21755) - you deserved it (4916)

On 02/10/2012 at 12:40am - misc - by Jarryd - Australia

Today, my dad finally met my girlfriend. Unfortunately, he was driving the ambulance that she was in, due to severe alcohol poisoning and was on the way to the hospital to have her stomach pumped. FML

#19021363
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22124) - you deserved it (6535)

On 02/07/2012 at 8:40pm - health - by screwed - United States (Connecticut)



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