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Kurliegyrl's favorite FMLs
by MegahnDN / 06/11/2010 at 10:33am / United States / Health
by Annakins / 06/06/2010 at 2:31pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids
Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML
by Fark / 05/27/2010 at 6:50pm / United Kingdom (Cumbria) / Miscellaneous
Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML
by Oops / 05/23/2010 at 5:21am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by fatpooch / 05/13/2010 at 2:01am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
by Anonymous / 05/09/2010 at 12:19pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by human torch / 03/18/2010 at 11:22am / United States / Health
Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML
Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said 'Nice chair.' She replied 'Nice bruise' and punched me in the nuts. FML
Today, I entered my bedroom, ready to play some COD on my xbox 360. Instead, I find a note where my xbox used to be. It read "You think you can cheat on me and get away with it? Fuck you. I smashed the hell out of your stupid xbox." It was signed by my girlfriend. I never cheated on her. FML
by Anonymous / 01/06/2010 at 7:29pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Miscellaneous
by ohdear / 01/03/2010 at 1:06pm / United Kingdom (Falkirk) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML
by pottypattypeepants / 12/31/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML
by axwound / 12/27/2009 at 8:04am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, my 25 year old brother ran into my room very excited at 8am. "Wake up! We got a new puppy!" he told me. I was so excited so I jumped out of my warm bed. When I asked him if he was serious he said "No, but we have to go to church, so get dressed." FML
by MessyMal / 12/25/2009 at 10:30am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I stepped outside for a smoke. It was 1 a.m. Thinking no one was around, I let out a series of loud, nasty-sounding farts. I looked over to my left to see the neighbor, whom I've never met, also smoking, and staring at me. That was his first impression of me. FML
by FlGirl / 12/24/2009 at 2:00am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up… Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry… Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring…