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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16690) - you deserved it (17992)
On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16690) - you deserved it (17992)
On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML
I agree, your life sucks (5901) - you deserved it (18289)
On 03/02/2012 at 7:14pm - misc - by argh (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was on the subway head bobbing to my favorite track when the guy across from me gets up, punches me in the face and says, "Don't nod at my wife like that." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22965) - you deserved it (2563)
On 02/19/2012 at 6:17am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, when I excitedly announced to my mother-in-law that I was pregnant, she looked at me with a blank expression and asked me who the father was. She's 45. She's not senile or suffering from dementia, but apparently just suffering from being a chronic bitch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28484) - you deserved it (2321)
On 01/17/2012 at 12:04pm - misc - by littlelottie - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (20175) - you deserved it (6489)
On 01/14/2012 at 1:52am - intimacy - by haggisbowl - United States
Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31527) - you deserved it (3750) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, my coworker friend told me she was going to the restroom. Soon after, I did the same. Once in the stall, I could smell a stench emanating from the next one. I yelled, "Ew, you stinky bitch" and sprayed air freshener under the partition. As I left the stall, my friend walked into the restroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7078) - you deserved it (29335)
On 12/11/2011 at 11:46pm - work - by stinky (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5890) - you deserved it (52574)
On 12/08/2011 at 10:35pm - misc - by lebato97 - United States (Louisiana)
Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26553) - you deserved it (4028)
On 12/03/2011 at 5:04am - intimacy - by trembelwick - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22994) - you deserved it (2986)
On 11/30/2011 at 9:57am - love - by preggers - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was practicing my lines for theater class in the hall. My partner and I chose a script where we argue over me stealing her boyfriend. Since it started to sound like a real argument, another student said that I was a "crazy bitch" and punched me in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28398) - you deserved it (2916)
On 11/18/2011 at 8:30am - misc - by hannahk267 - United States (Missouri)
Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29634) - you deserved it (16882)
On 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by lababy - United States
Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22713) - you deserved it (2494)
On 11/02/2011 at 1:06am - misc - by steve-o - United States
Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20699) - you deserved it (3699)
On 10/28/2011 at 11:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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