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Today, a doctor examined my wrist, which is completely swollen and painful. He diagnosed a case of tendonitis and asked me, "Do you use this hand for a particular sort of sport?" I just smiled like a twit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4755) - you totally deserved it (25924)
On 11/27/2009 at 4:24pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him "Where did you go to the potty?". He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17681) - you totally deserved it (1836)
On 11/16/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - Japan (Okinawa)
Today, I went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist. My wife and I had recently ran out of KY lotion, so I decided to pick up a bottle while I was there. It didn't occur to me that these two items could be perceived as being related until the cashier began to giggle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14512) - you totally deserved it (3587)
On 11/13/2009 at 7:57am - misc - by joeheathen (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I dropped my 400 dollar cell phone on the floor by mistake and it shattered into a million pieces. A woman passing by looked at the phone and said, "Now that's what you call a dropped call!" and laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21203) - you totally deserved it (10139)
On 11/04/2009 at 5:37pm - misc - by Cellismasher (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8248) - you totally deserved it (956)
On 10/31/2009 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by thornrose22 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother. And my mom texted me asking me to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6778) - you totally deserved it (844)
On 10/24/2009 at 5:23pm - intimacy - by this_is_fucked (woman) - Zimbabwe (Mashonaland East)
Today, I got a text message from a number I didn't know telling me, "Fine. It's over, have a wonderful life." I've never had a girlfriend and now I get broken up with by girls I don't even know. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19791) - you totally deserved it (1903)
On 10/13/2009 at 11:52am - love - by dudezilla (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24908) - you totally deserved it (1089)
On 10/11/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by prickly (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my boyfriend called me and told me he wanted me to stay the night. I decided to wear my sexiest outfit for him so I put on my kinky nurse outfit and drove over to his house. I let myself in his front door, to which I found 40 of my closest friends staring at me for my surprise birthday party. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20943) - you totally deserved it (11403)
On 10/10/2009 at 6:22pm - misc - by perfectmoment - Canada (Ontario)
Today while cleaning up I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30476) - you totally deserved it (1897) - moderated and selected by Kevin Nealon
On 10/01/2009 at 6:31pm - misc - by Ouchies (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to my cousin's farm with my family. First I was pooped on by a goose, peed on by a puppy, bit in the face by the mother dog, fell through the floor of the barn loft, and without knowing it was electric, rested my hand on the horse fence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25875) - you totally deserved it (5333)
On 09/28/2009 at 4:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was talking and joking with my boyfriend. He said "Hey wanna hear a joke?" I said "Yes." He said, "Our relationship." and walked away. He seriously dumped me through a one-liner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32534) - you totally deserved it (2661)
On 09/27/2009 at 9:16pm - love - by screwwyou (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was trying to look cute in front of this really nice guy. I sure hope he thinks smacking into a pole, rebounding backwards and knocking over an old man is cute. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7536) - you totally deserved it (17527)
On 09/18/2009 at 12:14am - love - by mudafkrmas (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32482) - you totally deserved it (2243)
On 09/14/2009 at 5:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)
Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling "who's your daddy" at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, "what the hell happened to my life" look on her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37602) - you totally deserved it (1657)
On 09/13/2009 at 5:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
