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Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27183) - you deserved it (1966)
On 05/20/2013 at 11:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42157) - you deserved it (3847)
On 05/13/2013 at 12:29am - animals - by JamiesMom (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my dad walked in on me lying down with my cat, eating ice cream, watching The Notebook with tears in my eyes. As if that's not bad enough, I'm a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41318) - you deserved it (15881)
On 05/12/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I tried to show my boyfriend's mom a picture of my prom dress on my phone. She scrolled to the right to find a picture of her son, naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32262) - you deserved it (60247)
On 05/05/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by beyondembarrassed - United States
Today, my mom came back from a major surgery. She also had a yeast infection. I had to push the applicator in because she couldn't bend down. This cannot be unfelt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43853) - you deserved it (2364)
On 05/04/2013 at 7:26pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML
I agree, your life sucks (44022) - you deserved it (6073)
On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)
Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML
I agree, your life sucks (53356) - you deserved it (7622)
On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34760) - you deserved it (9865)
On 05/02/2013 at 11:59am - intimacy - by MommaAnnie (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43124) - you deserved it (11062)
On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24374) - you deserved it (1428)
On 10/02/2012 at 7:52am - intimacy - by Jake (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25972) - you deserved it (1611)
On 09/27/2012 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by linn (woman) - United States
Today, my wife of four years revealed to me that she once had sex with six men at once back in college. Apparently she still fantasizes about it when we have sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22994) - you deserved it (2125)
On 09/25/2012 at 11:09am - intimacy - by supapimpin (man) - United States
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16864) - you deserved it (3891)
On 09/24/2012 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by disgusted - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17095) - you deserved it (16419)
On 09/22/2012 at 10:06am - intimacy - by holyshitbatman - United States (Illinois)
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17644) - you deserved it (1405)
On 09/15/2012 at 1:35am - intimacy - by anon (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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