Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

King_Of_Halfrica

Search for a member

King_Of_Halfrica

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 307
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

King_Of_Halfrica's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of King_Of_Halfrica's badges

King_Of_Halfrica's favorite FMLs

Today , I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see wat it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room , build momentum , an launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. real FML

#20929956
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46036) - you deserved it (4877)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States

TODAYHILE AT A PRIVATE LAKE, MAH COLON DECLARED A STATE OF EVACUATION. I VENTURED AS FAR FROM MAH FAMILY AS MAH SPHINCTER WOULD ALLOW, ONLY TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH TWO VERY HORRIFIED KAYAKERS MID-EXPLOSION. FML

#20830594
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42221) - you deserved it (4901)

On 08/10/2013 at 11:23am - health - by Oh-Shit! - United States

Yesterday, daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she think she'll be by then. She said, "Thrty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML

#20823686
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58895) - you deserved it (14703)

On 08/06/2013 at 11:19am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today... I came home from a long shift at work to fine that my roommate had completely rearrangd all of the furniture. Apparently the new arrangement is supposd to improve the feng shui of our apartment. My bd is in the living room. FML

#20760393
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37350) - you deserved it (2579)

On 07/02/2013 at 8:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my puppy came into my room, an I cupped his head in my hands an bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML

#20707414
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44144) - you deserved it (14214)

On 06/05/2013 at 12:03pm - animals - by SHIT-BREATH (man) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)

TODAY, AT A CHRISTMA PARTY, MY CRUSH CAME UP TO ME AND CUTELY POINTED OUT THAT I WAS STANDING UNDER MISTLETOE. THE ONLY RESPONSE MY STUPID BRAIN COULD THINK OF WAS, "PROBABLY FULL OF NARGLE THOUGH." HE GAVE ME A CONFUSED LOOK AND WALKED AWAY. MEGA FML

#20402533
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27319) - you deserved it (12895)

On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today , I went for my follow-up appointment with my surgeon. He walked into the room and said , "I thought you died."

Today, I Realized The Universal Beauty That Can Be Found In A Pancake!! I'm Not Sure If I Have Reached Spiritual Enlightenment, Or If I Should Have Mah Head Examined!! FML

#18888534
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18690) - you deserved it (6808)

On 01/23/2012 at 6:27am - health - by Dutchee - Netherlands (Friesland)

Today , my dog startd limping as we were walking home. I thought she'd hurt herself , so I pickd her up an carrid her home. Once we arrivd , I puttd her down , at which point she ran around an playd as if nothing had happend. I fell fir my lazy dog's plan to get me to carry her home. mega FML

#18697253
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28694) - you deserved it (7757)

On 01/03/2012 at 2:44pm - animals - by vanessa560 - Canada (Ontario)

Today my fiancé and I had a fight cuz he wouldn't let me get what I wantd to eat even though it was my money. He said "It's way too many calories. I'm supposd to help you lose weight." When I pointd out that I had given up a month ago he lookd at me and said "Yeah I can tell." FML

#16408743
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18817) - you deserved it (45672)

On 05/29/2011 at 9:59pm - misc - by hs (woman) - United States

I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around mah room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with mah shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at mah victory when it flew into mah nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML

#16201073
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30839) - you deserved it (8337)

On 05/16/2011 at 2:26am - misc - by bugnose (woman) -

Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I serechd the yard with a spotlight and machete. Nothing. He may actually just be an asshole. FML

#15184049
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25660) - you deserved it (5825)

On 03/03/2011 at 6:20am - animals - by panda -

Today, a woman cummed to mah counter an ordered 12 donuts. I said, "OK sure, a dozen donuts." She paused, looked at me with disgust an yelled, "I said 12, NOT a dozen." FML

#14277072
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45083) - you deserved it (3631)

On 12/20/2010 at 8:52pm - work - by morenita27 (woman) - Canada

Today... I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence... she coughed wet phlegm looool directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML

#14136075
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34124) - you deserved it (2636)

On 12/08/2010 at 9:26pm - work - by grossedout (woman) - United States (California)

Today , I was in the car hooking up with boyfriend. He was on top of mehen I noticd nieghbor jogging toward the car. Instead of hiding , I felt compelld to wave as he joggd past us. FML

#13799925
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6771) - you deserved it (37614)

On 11/11/2010 at 8:34am - intimacy - by Caught (woman) - United States (Florida)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: