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King_of_halfrica's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

By IamAflyingCat / Tuesday 22 October 2013 09:12 / United States

Today, I went for my follow-up appointment with my surgeon. He walked into the room and said, "I thought you died." FML

By Missusluv313 - / Monday 17 September 2012 11:25 / United States - Merrillville

Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on she starts telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stops and says « Actually I don’t know why I’m telling you this, after all you don’t have a boyfriend! » and walks away. FML

By Enko / Sunday 9 November 2008 07:43 / France

Today, I came home from a long shift at work to find that my roommate had completely rearranged all of the furniture. Apparently the new arrangement is supposed to improve the feng shui of our apartment. My bed is in the living room. FML

By Anonymous / Wednesday 3 July 2013 00:00 / United States - Phoenix

Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML

By SHIT-BREATH - / Wednesday 5 June 2013 16:03 / United Kingdom - Chepstow