About KiaMaster : im me, deal with it.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35298) - you deserved it (2976)
On 01/26/2011 at 12:40pm - misc - by 123roomielover (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19389) - you deserved it (9255)
On 01/24/2011 at 5:47pm - intimacy - by Fucked (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27621) - you deserved it (6171)
On 01/19/2011 at 10:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36796) - you deserved it (4115)
On 01/04/2011 at 5:56am - intimacy - by LoveMyNewBro -
Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said "right now?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28140) - you deserved it (3337)
On 01/03/2011 at 3:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to feed my neighbor's cat while he was out of town. The cat was sick, so part of my job was to give it a pill each time I came. Cats don't like swallowing pills. My neighbor forgot to mention that his cat wasn't declawed. I was wearing shorts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17236) - you deserved it (4249)
On 12/14/2010 at 6:52am - health - by anonymous - United States
Today, I got a call from a restricted number. When I answered, it was a prank call. The kids on the other end had porn on high volume and put the phone next to the speaker. Way to remind me that I'm still a virgin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22101) - you deserved it (5542)
On 12/14/2010 at 6:00am - intimacy - by virginat16 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud. And that I wasn't alone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11106) - you deserved it (20164)
On 12/14/2010 at 4:26am - health - by shit (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was in a dating auction. I was bought for $2. The man who won a date with me recited every dialog from the movie The Lord of the Rings. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23682) - you deserved it (5797)
On 12/12/2010 at 3:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in the fishing show that was on. When the guy lost a fish, he got so disappointed that he became completely flaccid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23423) - you deserved it (4772)
On 12/08/2010 at 3:46am - intimacy - by fishruinsex -
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40099) - you deserved it (7981)
Today, while having sex on the couch with my single neighbor, a beam in the couch broke. Not even slightly fazed, she said, "It's okay, my husband can fix it." Husband? FML
I agree, your life sucks (26036) - you deserved it (6143)
On 12/02/2010 at 12:02pm - intimacy - by nickyboy (man) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I was running the track at my school. My crush of two years was running in front of me, so I decided to catch up and finally talk to her. When I caught up, the only thing I could think to say was, "What's your name?" even though I already knew. She replied, "Natalie". Her name is Melissa. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24605) - you deserved it (5964)
On 11/19/2010 at 7:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, it took me a full ten minutes to finish on the toilet. I was babysitting at the time, and it took the kids those ten minutes to destroy the kitchen and shave the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20690) - you deserved it (5597)
On 11/14/2010 at 12:18pm - kids - by nicki - United States (Illinois)
Today, I tried on the new dress I bought for myself. I, for once, thought I looked pretty all right. I asked my dog, "How do I look?" and she threw up on my pillow. My brother can't stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22229) - you deserved it (3513)
On 11/14/2010 at 4:42am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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