Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 12/15/2014 at 3:31am) | Search for a member
About Kazenoe : Long-time follower, only crawl out of my cave to comment occasionally. ;) Like the rest on this site I enjoy reading about people's misfortune... which I suppose makes me either human or an asshole, depends on who you ask.
IRL I'm a 24-y/o female, living in Finland. Contracy to the popular belief we don't live with polar bears, but in wintertime it sure is cold enough for me to prefer staying inside reading the site rather than going out!
I like making new friends, message me about whatever! Sometimes might take a while to reply, since I'm mostly using this on the android app.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML
Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML
Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML
Today, I got an email from the company that manages my cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him by handing me a ring and telling me, "Okay we're engaged now." I should have seen it coming when we started dating, I went to his house one night and as I was leaving he said, "Okay you're my girlfriend now." FML
Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML
Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML
Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, "Oh shit! It's 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML
Friday 19 December 2014