Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 09/24/2014 at 3:40pm) | Search for a member
About Kazenoe : Long-time follower, only crawl out of my cave to comment occasionally. ;) Like the rest on this site I enjoy reading about people's misfortune... which I suppose makes me either human or an asshole, depends on who you ask.
IRL I'm a 24-y/o female, living in Finland. Contracy to the popular belief we don't live with polar bears, but in wintertime it sure is cold enough for me to prefer staying inside reading the site rather than going out!
I like making new friends, message me about whatever! Sometimes might take a while to reply, since I'm mostly using this on the android app.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML
Today, I googled myself in preparation for my upcoming job interview. Turns out there's a girl on Twitter with my name and age who tweets nonstop about getting wasted and being on probation. She won't make her profile private. FML
Today, a customer spent ages bitching me out, because he refused to believe he needed to upgrade his computer, which still runs Windows 98, in order to install a modern game for his grandson. He ended up calling my manager and trying to get me fired for scamming him. FML
Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML
Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML
Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I reminded him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had my hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML
Friday 26 September 2014