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Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5760) - you deserved it (24897)
On 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm - misc - by woohoo420 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22455) - you deserved it (2163)
On 03/25/2012 at 1:49am - animals - by uh-oh - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was laying down in bed when my puppy decided to bite my ear. As I started laughing and pulling him off I noticed one of my $200 earrings got pulled off with it. And now I wait. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22397) - you deserved it (4084)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:16am - misc - by lizzie1833 - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28391) - you deserved it (4125)
On 03/12/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Tristansefam1367 - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16231) - you deserved it (2316)
On 03/11/2012 at 11:04pm - animals - by weep weep weep (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17308) - you deserved it (16226)
On 03/10/2012 at 1:50am - misc - by starboy - United States (California)
Today, I was woken up by my neighbour's dog losing its mind, and I remembered reading a story about someone ignoring a dog and later finding out that their car had been stolen. Paranoid, I went outside to check on mine. Nope. Just the damn dog barking at one thirty in the morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13303) - you deserved it (2471)
On 03/05/2012 at 5:28am - misc - by DamnDogs (woman) - Canada
Today, my dog wanted to go upstairs, but she has stitches and was having trouble. So I carried her to the top, at which point she peed all over my carpet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14612) - you deserved it (2171)
On 03/04/2012 at 12:51am - animals - by raven_teen_titan - United States (California)
Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. He laughed at me and said, "That's hilarious because I was going to ask you if you could take a pay cut!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (19499) - you deserved it (1301)
On 02/27/2012 at 10:41pm - work - by corey - United States
Today, my dog managed to pull a one-pound package of raw bacon out and eat the entire package including the cardboard. The vets cheered when they finally got him to puke up the entire, unchewed package of bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15966) - you deserved it (1731)
Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18541) - you deserved it (2607)
On 02/09/2012 at 1:37am - animals - by A (woman) - United States
Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17434) - you deserved it (1383)
On 02/08/2012 at 6:27am - misc - by 3.14 (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, my husband bleached his hair so, "our future kids will have blond hair too." I'm already married to this guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27679) - you deserved it (5395)
On 01/25/2012 at 1:23am - misc - by dragonmirado (woman) - China
Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "shit", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother". FML
I agree, your life sucks (19935) - you deserved it (5252)
On 01/23/2012 at 6:26pm - kids - by gloria77 (woman) - United States
Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29897) - you deserved it (7769)
On 01/20/2012 at 10:15am - misc - by LonerCow (woman) - United States
Friday 24 May 2013
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