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Karen626's FML badges
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Karen626's favorite FMLs
Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML
by you ripped them off ages ago / 08/17/2014 at 2:15am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Kids
Today, my boss threw out the report I wrote for the board of directors. He said that if it were legal, he'd smash me in the balls with a brick for using Comic Sans. I had to do the whole thing again in another font with my coworkers snickering at me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/15/2014 at 5:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2014 at 5:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went for a romantic, anniversary meal with my wife. It was amazing, until we had to rush home halfway through because our daughter rang, informing us that her 20-year-old sister had broken her wrist trying to jump from the roof, onto the trampoline and into the pool. She 'miscalculated'. FML
by We raised that fool / 08/06/2014 at 9:21am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Kids
by younggirl101 / 08/05/2014 at 12:51pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/04/2014 at 10:00pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
by WasntWorthIt / 07/30/2014 at 1:04pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy
by fatty magoo / 07/29/2014 at 2:20pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation
by failed dad / 06/25/2014 at 8:30am / Greece (Attiki) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend bought yet another video game and played it all afternoon. Unlike me, our parrot is taking this situation rather well: for the past two hours he's been repeating, over and over, "EA Sports, it's in the game." FML
by Apcn / 06/05/2014 at 4:05pm / France (Bretagne) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend complained all day about being bored, so wanting to cheer him up, I put on some sexy clothes and went to his house. I got on his bed in my underwear and called him over. He quickly decided he'd rather play Diablo for the next five hours instead. FML
by Justawoman / 06/04/2014 at 11:52am / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Intimacy
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
by N O / 05/27/2014 at 2:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
by todaddy / 05/23/2014 at 3:32pm / United Kingdom / Kids
Today, five minutes before closing, a woman came in to buy over $300 worth of clothing from the sales rack. My manager and I had to ring it all up, de-sensor it, fold it, bag it, etc. After it was all rung up, her credit card was declined. FML
by IntoTheClouds / 05/22/2014 at 10:32pm / United States (Vermont) / Work
by Anonymous / 05/22/2014 at 5:27pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love