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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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JustLikeTheStars's favorite FMLs
Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML
by anon13 / 04/12/2009 at 12:27am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
by FML.. / 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm / China (Hebei) / Intimacy
by GuitarChick42 / 04/04/2009 at 2:15pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend was in the shower, and I decided to go join him. I took all my clothes off and stepped into the bathroom. I slipped on some water, and ended up hitting my head on the toilet and passing out. When I came to, I saw my boyfriend's dad looking over me in his towel. Wrong person. FML
by showerstupid / 04/04/2009 at 4:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML
by douchetard / 03/26/2009 at 3:37am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, when I walked into work all of my co-workers were giggling and asking "How was YOUR night last night?". Last night I had sex for the first time with someone I'm seeing secretly (with good reason). That person is my boss. He told everyone. FML
by Anonymous / 03/23/2009 at 2:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my friend and i thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML
by emilyxoxoxo / 03/21/2009 at 12:11pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
- Today, I had to get out of bed at 2am to go tell my parrot to stop playing with his bell. I covered… Today, while having a drink, I noticed a gigantic spider about to enter my mouth. I instinctively… Today, I took my daughter's cat in for what should have been a routine surgery. He reacted badly to…