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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
JustLikeTheStars's favorite FMLs
Today, I started my brand new job. I was late because while repairing my favorite pair of high heels, I got superglue in my eye. They had to scrape my cornea and I have to wear an eye patch. I'm now the "new pirate" in the office. FML
by Anonymous / 04/04/2012 at 9:41pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
by woohoo420 / 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Telemarket / 04/04/2012 at 6:58am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous
Today, I noticed a strange lady following me around in the mall. After a while I began to get creeped out, so I confronted her. Apparently she has to make sure everything she buys is better than what I buy. After a long silence she said, "What? You never noticed me before?" FML
by Eliza / 04/03/2012 at 11:40pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Deadman / 04/02/2012 at 9:37am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/02/2012 at 1:01am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/01/2012 at 10:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML
by Zack / 04/01/2012 at 5:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by totalloss / 04/01/2012 at 12:15pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML
by Kristat / 04/01/2012 at 12:32am / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 03/31/2012 at 11:10am / United States / Intimacy
Today, while on the train to university, I realized it was my stop and quickly stood up to get off. Or I would have, if my leg hadn't gone to sleep and caused me to fall, landing face first into the crotch of the old guy in front of me. FML
by LassieToe / 03/29/2012 at 11:48pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I got my foot stuck in the car seat belt. I kept pulling to loosen it up but it just kept getting tighter till my foot was in the air, so I started panicking and eventually started crying. My boyfriend had to pull over and save me from a seat belt. FML
by greeneyedpothead / 03/29/2012 at 2:33am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I got the feeling that my phone smelt of cigarettes and B.O. I smelt it, realised that it was my hands that smelt, then got confused and thought maybe it was my nose piercing that smelt. I then realised my psychology class was watching me trying to smell my own nose. FML
by Cass / 03/28/2012 at 10:03pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, while walking down the street, I saw a man attacking a woman in an alley. I ran to help, and shoved the man away from her. Except it turns out he wasn't attacking her; he was getting it on with his fiancée. FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2012 at 1:31pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
- Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the… Today, my college started an internet "confessions" page. Out of curiosity I checked it out, only… Today, I was talking on the phone with my crush. After an hour of talking she told me, "If you were…