About JumbledGirl : just a chill girl. Ii love dogs. im extremely outdoorsy, i cosplay, im athiest, i love army men, i HATE the government, and i HATE STUPID PEOPLE. i have a boyfriend. I play piano.
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Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4219) - you deserved it (22285)
On 04/03/2012 at 1:13am - misc - by Wannabees (woman) - Canada
Today, the war against the pigeons on my veranda reached a new level. To try and get them to clear off, I gave my window pane a short, sharp knock. It broke into several shards, and not one of the totally oblivious birds moved. Pigeons 1, Me 0. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13942) - you deserved it (3528) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/03/2012 at 12:41am - misc - by Kilimanjaro (woman) - France
Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7663) - you deserved it (17540)
On 04/01/2012 at 5:36pm - misc - by Zack - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15561) - you deserved it (6886)
On 04/01/2012 at 2:38pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States
Today, while walking down the street, I saw a man attacking a woman in an alley. I ran to help, and shoved the man away from her. Except it turns out he wasn't attacking her; he was getting it on with his fiancée. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22678) - you deserved it (3458)
On 03/28/2012 at 1:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I learned a valuable lesson: Make sure you learn to swim at a very young age, or else you might end up a in a swimming class with a bunch 3 and 4 year-olds, taught by your crush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19934) - you deserved it (5174)
On 03/26/2012 at 10:51am - misc - by stupdude3 (man) - United States
Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24062) - you deserved it (2984)
On 03/12/2012 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML
I agree, your life sucks (32943) - you deserved it (19749)
On 03/04/2012 at 12:02am - love - by Autocorrected (man) - Philippines (Bulacan)
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23019) - you deserved it (6918)
On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)
Today, my girlfriend revealed to me that she has primeisodophobia. What is primeisodophobia, you may ask? Well, it's the fear of losing your virginity. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24567) - you deserved it (3411)
On 03/03/2012 at 8:23am - intimacy - by virginkiller (man) - Singapore
Today, I ordered Chinese food. As I approached the restaurant to pick it up, I took out my keys and tried to unlock the front door. By the time I realized my mistake, everyone inside the restaurant had noticed and started laughing at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8452) - you deserved it (13437)
On 02/27/2012 at 4:58pm - misc - by Eric - United States
Today, while I was eating lunch at work, I practically had a panic attack because I'd forgotten to feed my Neopet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6954) - you deserved it (22285)
On 02/26/2012 at 4:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13947) - you deserved it (20565)
On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time. Nervous, I accidentally spilled the pasta into the sink. With nothing else to prepare, I quickly scooped it all back out. No-one would have been any the wiser, if the kitchen sponge hadn't shown up in the middle of the meal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8204) - you deserved it (23856) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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