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JuicyCheeks's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/09/2011 at 10:03pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, feeling melancholy, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML
by Anonymous / 01/06/2011 at 9:45pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML
by Jessie / 12/25/2010 at 8:38am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by unknown / 11/08/2010 at 9:25pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML
by flying13 / 11/03/2010 at 3:27am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/17/2010 at 1:55am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
by Bailey / 08/22/2010 at 2:58am / United States (Nebraska) / Kids
Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML
by doesnttastegood / 02/01/2010 at 5:23am / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom and I were going to the store. I decided to stay in the car while she went in. In the car next to me, there was a dog in the driver's seat barking at me. Bored, I barked back at it until I realized there was someone in the passenger's seat watching me. FML
by ApolloandDixie / 12/23/2009 at 1:17am / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation
by errrmkl46 / 12/02/2009 at 1:25am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I were at a wedding. When the DJ announced that the bar was open, my hubby was the only one to RUN to the bar while the other husbands stayed behind to dance with their wives, eyeing us in a weird way. FML
by Embarassedd / 11/26/2009 at 12:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by pussystroker / 11/19/2009 at 12:20pm / United Kingdom (Peterborough) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the movies. Not only did the movie end up being awful, but I came to my car to find out someone drew Squidward from "SpongeBob" with large letters spelling "I LIKE POTATOES!" on my windshield. In permanent marker. FML
by squidwardpotatoes / 11/14/2009 at 6:08am / United States (California) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 11/02/2009 at 11:33pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation
Today, my research partner emails me 2 hours before our deadline saying that she can't complete her half of our 20 page report because when she woke up this morning she couldn't see. How did she write the email? FML
by NUsConstantine / 10/18/2009 at 11:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…
- Today, and since forever, my boyfriend talks in his sleep. Last night, he told me, “I like you very… Today, I travelled in a shared taxi on the winding roads of the Peruvian Andes. The guy next to me… Today, a lady came for a death certificate at the city hall reception where I work. Reflexively, I…