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Jonny_Blaze0017

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Jonny_Blaze0017

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 3 October 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6971
  • Number of comments : 35
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Jonny_Blaze0017 : Life is a gift; that must be why we live in the present
Also- remember to laugh every once in awhile


Jonny_Blaze0017's page activity

Visits<b>BlackFire4890</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 11:22pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 1:10pm<b>rebelsrock</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 8:30pm<b>pkts11</b> - the 12/30/2014 at 12:03pm<b>Fierce_Cat_</b> - the 12/24/2014 at 11:48am<b>andiiibandiii526</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 12:23pm<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 1:07pm<b>shaar</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 3:24am<b>Welshite</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 11:06pm<b>jack_jill05</b> - the 09/22/2014 at 9:53am<b>da_best_eva</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 8:30pm<b>sar135</b> - the 05/14/2014 at 8:16am<b>msmama1985</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 7:42pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 10:55pm<b>OysterPearls</b> - the 04/06/2014 at 2:48am<b>teotsi</b> - the 04/04/2014 at 2:34pm<b>Reggaman</b> - the 02/23/2014 at 6:36am<b>vickypumkin</b> - the 02/23/2014 at 6:33am

Jonny_Blaze0017's FML badges

Inception

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The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of Jonny_Blaze0017's badges

Jonny_Blaze0017's favorite FMLs

Today, I was washing up in a public bathroom, when I looked up for a second and saw a kid in the mirror staring back at me. I gasped, as I thought the place had been empty. He whispered, "It's time to die." I screamed and ran out, only to hear him burst out laughing behind me. FML

#20817313
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49880) - you deserved it (8452)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:57pm - misc - by lights on forever (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

#20817265
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56961) - you deserved it (5529)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by um... what the fuck, miss? (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my boss suspended me for laughing too hard at my desk and causing a big scene in front of our customers. I was laughing because he'd forwarded me a hilarious email. He was practically smirking as he handed me my official warning. FML

#20815357
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43554) - you deserved it (4034)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:25pm - misc - by hangman (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

#20813339
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53665) - you deserved it (8526)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Belgium (West-Vlaanderen)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML

#20809292
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61535) - you deserved it (9139)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56353) - you deserved it (9340)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML

#20790691
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46718) - you deserved it (3809)

On 07/18/2013 at 3:53pm - work - by no new apartment for me (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML

#20787970
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43899) - you deserved it (6102)

On 07/17/2013 at 6:06am - love - by sucker and suckatash/say don't spray - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I suddenly started having excruciating pain. My husband took me to the ER, where I waited for three hours in agony to be seen. By the time a doctor got to me, the pain had mostly gone, but it was found to be a kidney stone. I was told, "Next time, don't wait so long." Really? FML

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59734) - you deserved it (21057)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

#20763590
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59880) - you deserved it (4751)

On 07/04/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, I went to the doctor to have my annual check-up. After the doctor made me waddle across the room towards him, hop on one foot for thirty seconds, and then lay on my stomach and do the worm, he finally said, "OK, that wasn't really part of the check-up. You're large on the hips. Lay off the Cheetos." FML

#20760331
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44411) - you deserved it (11695)

On 07/02/2013 at 7:16pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

#20731946
440 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59442) - you deserved it (37108)

On 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm - kids - by young grandpa - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend and I talked about our past relationships. He said he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was "too smart" for him, and that he felt better being with someone who "doesn't have too many lights on upstairs, if you know what I mean." FML

#20729746
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49569) - you deserved it (5724)

On 06/16/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by ... (woman) - South Africa (Eastern Cape)

Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML

#20724048
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51679) - you deserved it (3506)

On 06/13/2013 at 6:12pm - misc - by thatisfuckedup - United Kingdom



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