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About Jonny_Blaze0017 : Life is a gift; that must be why we live in the present
Also- remember to laugh every once in awhile
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my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now think it's hilariou to flinch in public when I get near her and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
today less tan a week after ranting to ma usband about ow sick some people are to sexualize caracter from kids' TV sows, I lookd troug is browser istory and found out e's very muc into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML
Today , I puttd on some sexy lingerie , ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room , opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me an understood. Then he lookd back at the doritos , then back at me an said gravely , ( No way , babe. No way. ) FML
Today , mah son looool got a beating. Apparently , he went to a club , waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo , then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Thier boyfriends , not too surprisingly , didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML
Taday I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school , when out of nowhere a brd smashed into the windshield !! Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me , my daughter started laughing , eventually calling the brd a ( stupid bastard ) !! FML
Today, As A Recruiter, I Had An Interview With A Promising Candidate 4 An Open Position At My Company . The Interview Was Going Well Until The Candidate Interruptd Me Halfway Through To Take A Selfie . FML
Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus . I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone ranghile he was showering an he slipped onto a box of vegetables . Guessho had to extract the carrot . FML
Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies,hen a kid cummed over, yelled ( CUP CHECK! ) an nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Million of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatas mom did was chuckle nervously an pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML
Today, I Clogged My Girlfriend's Toilet, So Bieng A Gentleman, I Tried To Rectify Te Situation. I Plunged Te Oly Fuck Out Of Tat Damned Toilet, Only Fir Er To Accuse Me Of Jacking Off Cuz I Was Taking So Long. Wen Se Stormed In An Te Smell It Er, Se Called Me A Pig. I Just Can't Win. FML
Today, after a long day at work, I was starving, so I stoppd by the drive-through fir something to eat. When I got home and hurriedly opend the bag, all I found inside was napkins. Thanks, McDonald's. FML
Friday 27 March 2015