Jmweed

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Jmweed

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 15 August 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1590
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Jmweed's page activity

Visits<b>seanlapree</b> - the 06/30/2015 at 10:48pm<b>raven83</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 10:05am<b>sspence</b> - the 10/01/2014 at 1:31am<b>lovingfml</b> - the 03/29/2014 at 11:58am<b>jakekaj</b> - the 05/29/2013 at 11:28pm<b>DutchRogue</b> - the 04/17/2013 at 10:03am<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 7:23am<b>Trollz4daLULZ</b> - the 07/19/2010 at 4:54am<b>Fang_Banger</b> - the 07/04/2010 at 10:07pm

Jmweed's FML badges

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of Jmweed's badges

Jmweed's favorite FMLs

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Holidays

Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

by shattysituation / 12/31/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Work

Today, I saw a shady looking person on the street. As I walked past him, he said, "Hey, come here." Thinking he needed something, I went over. He handed me several pictures of my wife, in public and at home. I've never seen this man before in my life. FML

by ahappypenguin / 09/26/2012 at 12:07am / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I went to the store. Because we have no car, we had to walk four miles in the 115 fahrenheit weather. It didn't click until we were standing outside the door with a metric shit-tonne of ice-cream, that we'd have to tear ass back home to keep it all from melting. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2012 at 1:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I didn't even bother to turn my cellphone off in a movie theater because I knew no one would text me or call. FML

by Rick / 05/22/2012 at 7:02am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was so cold that I had to put slippers over my slippers. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2011 at 2:06am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML

by number2 / 10/17/2011 at 9:14pm / United States / Work

Today, I was at work as a cashier. An old lady unbagged everything I had, and angrily "taught" me how to bag. She put potatoes on her eggs and broke them. She then screamed that I was useless and retarded in front of all my other customers and manager. FML

by bdjsbskl / 10/07/2011 at 1:55am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I'd just finished feeding my parrot and sweeping all the seeds under the cage. As I was walking away, my parrot whistled. I turned around to see him get up onto the food dish, pick up a clawful of food and toss it on the floor. FML

Today, I got a text from someone I've been avoiding saying, "Can I come visit you today?" I replied, "No, sorry, I'm not home." They then replied "Then who is that in your living room?" FML

by Pookaa / 10/05/2011 at 7:48pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

by Beeisc00l / 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm / Reserved / Animals

Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML

by danii / 10/03/2011 at 9:19pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in class and really needed to pee. My teacher has chosen to replace our hall pass with a copy of War and Peace. She picks out a page for us to memorise on the shitter, and repeat by heart later. If we can't remember, we get locked out of class, and then get detention for being absent. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2011 at 5:25pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a week of sporting what I thought was a flattering pixie cut, I realised that without my long hair, my body shape closely resembles a snowman's. FML

by Karin / 08/13/2011 at 4:29pm / Germany (Berlin) / Miscellaneous