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Jf770

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Jf770

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 7 October 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2813
  • Number of comments : 102
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 30 posted

About Jf770 : I wil sen rayn of fier dwn upn u

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Jf770's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML

#1973503
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15628) - you deserved it (54971)

On 05/16/2009 at 8:21am - animals - by killer (woman) - Latvia (Riga)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

#1714855
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27497) - you deserved it (96848)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

#1683242
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57531) - you deserved it (20011)

On 05/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I spotted one of my friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I crept up behind him, grabbed his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man-voice, "Give me all your money!" Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

#1242967
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11727) - you deserved it (69042)

On 04/22/2009 at 10:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend. After we ordered, I started to unzip his fly really slowly. As I put my hand in his boxers, he stands up to greet his mom and dad who were joining us for dinner. FML

#868136
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18435) - you deserved it (100839)

On 04/08/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by cdoyle - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friends and me had a little water balloon fight and somehow it led to throwing water balloons at cars. We all decided to hit a car all at once, after one came by we all hit it. The car stopped and started flashing bright blue lights. We ended up hitting an off-duty police car. FML

#616637
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11653) - you deserved it (112821)

On 03/26/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by AzNFoo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor to find out why I've been feeling so sick the past several weeks. Turns out, I'm severely allergic to the cat of my girlfriend of two years. I told her "It's me or the cat." She chose the cat. FML

#598637
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65277) - you deserved it (27583)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by fmlsrsly (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a sexy letter designed to arouse him. I described what I wanted us to do to each other in the most erotic way. Later, he came up to me and hugged me, saying it was the funniest thing he ever read and he's glad he's in love with a girl with such a great sense of humor. FML

#533969
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62409) - you deserved it (11797)

On 03/22/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by Laceylace (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227
526 comments

I agree, your life sucks (248379) - you deserved it (32348)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I fell asleep in class during a boring economics lecture. I heard a whisper say "Rise and shine sleeping beauty." I thought it was my boyfriend, so i responded "Baby, what time is it? When is this F*ing class going to be over!?" it wasnt my boyfriend talking, it was my teacher. FML

#437815
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14384) - you deserved it (77704)

On 03/18/2009 at 11:48am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

#391986
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (177969) - you deserved it (34621)

On 03/16/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by ihatevideos (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

#243465
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44202) - you deserved it (18154)

On 03/08/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by serverdessert - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was sitting on my 70 year old grandmothers bed with my older brother. I decided to snoop through the cabinet at the back of her bed, and I pulled out what I naively thought was a strange looking flashlight. When I twisted the bottom of it to see what would happen it started vibrating. FML

#232314
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22616) - you deserved it (65110)

On 03/07/2009 at 2:35am - intimacy - by You Wish (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

#170218
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55540) - you deserved it (14456)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML

#160435
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27782) - you deserved it (96091)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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