Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Jf770

Search for a member

Jf770

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 7 October 1996 (17 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1868
  • Number of comments : 102
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 30 posted

About Jf770 : I wil sen rayn of fier dwn upn u

Jf770's page activity

Visits<b>marleybree</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 5:48am<b>MySecretaccount</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 2:08pm<b>greeneyebeauty9</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 10:31am<b>RedPillSucks</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 3:01pm<b>YouMadBra</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 2:04pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 7:17pm<b>starsierra</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 7:22pm<b>Allornone</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 11:25pm<b>coin69</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 11:58pm<b>WildDeerbra</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 2:05am<b>TuChiLE_MeXiCaNO</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 4:02am<b>cokeman666</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 11:01am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 12:46pm<b>J352SAURUS</b> - the 04/24/2014 at 3:25am<b>mordecaiandrigby</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 7:02pm<b>sneakerkev</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 10:53pm<b>SnapTail6</b> - the 04/12/2014 at 10:13pm<b>PAsurvivor</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 11:37pm

Jf770's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of Jf770's badges

Jf770's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the water park with my boyfriend. We were getting on a two-person tube slide. As I went to sit in the front I noticed the lifeguard looking me up and down, what I assumed was him checking me out. I found out I was wrong when he said, "Heaviest in back." FML

#2040967
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48709) - you deserved it (9351)

On 05/18/2009 at 1:48am - health - by barbie (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML

#1973503
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14915) - you deserved it (53545)

On 05/16/2009 at 8:21am - animals - by killer (woman) - Latvia (Riga)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

#1714855
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26866) - you deserved it (95606)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

#1683242
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57294) - you deserved it (19937)

On 05/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I spotted one of my friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I crept up behind him, grabbed his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man-voice, "Give me all your money!" Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

#1242967
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11170) - you deserved it (67813)

On 04/22/2009 at 10:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend. After we ordered, I started to unzip his fly really slowly. As I put my hand in his boxers, he stands up to greet his mom and dad who were joining us for dinner. FML

#868136
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18304) - you deserved it (100250)

On 04/08/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by cdoyle - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friends and me had a little water balloon fight and somehow it led to throwing water balloons at cars. We all decided to hit a car all at once, after one came by we all hit it. The car stopped and started flashing bright blue lights. We ended up hitting an off-duty police car. FML

#616637
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10810) - you deserved it (109341)

On 03/26/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by AzNFoo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor to find out why I've been feeling so sick the past several weeks. Turns out, I'm severely allergic to the cat of my girlfriend of two years. I told her "It's me or the cat." She chose the cat. FML

#598637
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63450) - you deserved it (26623)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by fmlsrsly (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a sexy letter designed to arouse him. I described what I wanted us to do to each other in the most erotic way. Later, he came up to me and hugged me, saying it was the funniest thing he ever read and he's glad he's in love with a girl with such a great sense of humor. FML

#533969
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62134) - you deserved it (11727)

On 03/22/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by Laceylace (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227
519 comments

I agree, your life sucks (241668) - you deserved it (31683)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I fell asleep in class during a boring economics lecture. I heard a whisper say "Rise and shine sleeping beauty." I thought it was my boyfriend, so i responded "Baby, what time is it? When is this F*ing class going to be over!?" it wasnt my boyfriend talking, it was my teacher. FML

#437815
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14281) - you deserved it (77401)

On 03/18/2009 at 11:48am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

#391986
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (174262) - you deserved it (34140)

On 03/16/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by ihatevideos (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

#243465
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42554) - you deserved it (17702)

On 03/08/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by serverdessert - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was sitting on my 70 year old grandmothers bed with my older brother. I decided to snoop through the cabinet at the back of her bed, and I pulled out what I naively thought was a strange looking flashlight. When I twisted the bottom of it to see what would happen it started vibrating. FML

#232314
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22493) - you deserved it (64831)

On 03/07/2009 at 2:35am - intimacy - by You Wish (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

#170218
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54661) - you deserved it (14283)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: