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Today, my dog decided to fly through the front door like Superman. All 180lbs of her promptly slammed sideways into the wall, putting a dog-sized hole in the plaster. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20404) - you deserved it (2641)
On 04/10/2011 at 3:32pm - animals - by a man - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I was let go from my balloon-selling job at the zoo. They put a new monkey cage in my designated spot. I was literally fired so a monkey could take my place. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29339) - you deserved it (3640)
On 03/23/2011 at 7:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was texting a girl I like. Every message she sent came ten minutes after I sent her a message. When I told her "I've to go", she responded almost instantly with an "Ok, bye". FML
I agree, your life sucks (26585) - you deserved it (8369)
On 03/12/2011 at 9:43am - love - by AuraOfJustice - United States
Today, I went to use the public restroom. As I saw the toilet paper was out, I could see there was some hanging down from the other stall. As I went to grab it, I felt a hand grab mine and a voice ask seductively, "what were you reaching for?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (21006) - you deserved it (7118)
On 11/22/2010 at 7:18pm - misc - by reesemaster (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16470) - you deserved it (46606)
On 11/07/2010 at 8:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was sitting on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy came and sat next to me. Next thing I know, he farts loudly, then proudly looks my way. I stared back in shock. He says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49159) - you deserved it (9961)
On 11/03/2010 at 3:27am - misc - by flying13 (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34172) - you deserved it (3317)
On 08/27/2010 at 5:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I went out to eat dinner with my family to celebrate my 18th birthday. I playfully put 3 straws between my knuckles to make myself look like Wolverine. I turned to my 6 year old nephew and ask, "Who am I?" He then replied with, "An idiot." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11199) - you deserved it (35977)
On 08/21/2009 at 1:18am - kids - by Mak10 (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64841) - you deserved it (2661)
On 06/24/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32321) - you deserved it (45549)
On 06/14/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by BarbieKen (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was on my way home from a friends house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (83094) - you deserved it (4515)
On 03/03/2009 at 11:20am - intimacy - by hlev24 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Monday 20 May 2013
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