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Today, I found out my friend swapped my girlfriend and probation officer's numbers in my phone. My girlfriend is wondering why I asked her permission to leave the country, and my probation officer said she can't wait to see me again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17561) - you deserved it (2585)
On 09/02/2012 at 1:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19471) - you deserved it (2465)
On 08/26/2012 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was on the bus when I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that my mouth stretched and my eyes closed. It was at this point that the strange man beside me decided to lean over at lightning speed and put his tongue in my mouth. Technically it was my first kiss. I'm 21 years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31852) - you deserved it (3225)
On 08/11/2012 at 6:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, a guy asked for my number at a party. As I was entering my number into his phone, my name and a picture of me popped up. I'm afraid I just met my stalker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20072) - you deserved it (1993)
On 06/30/2012 at 4:09pm - love - by ohbiebjetaime (woman) - France
Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33873) - you deserved it (2725)
On 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was re-watching my wedding video. As I was walking down the aisle, you could hear my grandfather mutter "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29038) - you deserved it (3933)
On 03/10/2012 at 9:20am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I started at my new waitressing job. Our uniforms have the name of the restaurant on the left chest pocket. My first customer asked me what the other boob’s called. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20247) - you deserved it (2021)
On 12/06/2011 at 7:26am - work - by boobywaitress (woman) - Australia
Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31968) - you deserved it (2002)
On 08/17/2011 at 5:50pm - misc - by candymansvan17 - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42537) - you deserved it (33098)
On 02/19/2011 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I went to the park and sat down on a bench to enjoy my coffee. I heard a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was my daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48179) - you deserved it (5262)
On 01/27/2011 at 10:35pm - intimacy - by JordanVilleneuve (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32634) - you deserved it (2441)
On 12/24/2010 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by notsoclean (man) - United States (California)
Today, I came home from work. I was really tired and told my son that I would make him dinner later. He called the cops saying, "Mommy won't feed me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26897) - you deserved it (4283)
On 10/17/2010 at 12:52pm - kids - by Lauren Smith - United States (California)
Today, I found out what "supersoaked" means. I thought it meant getting shot by a water gun, which is why I laughed when my daughter's boyfriend said he "supersoaked" her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24731) - you deserved it (4773)
On 09/04/2010 at 12:15am - intimacy - by FMyLife5915 -
Today, I was explaining to my 4 year old daughter that we had to wait until the sign said "walk" before crossing the street and stop if it said "don't walk". Halfway across the intersection, the light turned. She refused to budge. I had to drag her in front of 3 amused looking motorists. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21107) - you deserved it (5669)
On 07/01/2010 at 10:05pm - kids - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8392) - you deserved it (59172)
On 06/28/2010 at 7:37pm - health - by Pain (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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