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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Jake1144

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Jake1144
  • Town/Country : Minneapolis, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 18 October 1991 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 407
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Jake1144's favorite FMLs

Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML

#1524498 (404)

I agree, your life sucks (75811) - you deserved it (9736)

On 05/01/2009 at 1:40pm - intimacy - by chelle (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML

#1409707 (213)

I agree, your life sucks (85125) - you deserved it (5570)

On 04/27/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by seriouslywtf (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML

#1104891 (490)

I agree, your life sucks (303164) - you deserved it (14536)

On 04/19/2009 at 12:05am - intimacy - by soontobedivorced (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes after sitting down, I felt something on my shoulder. Thinking it was a hand, I turned my head to look. I came face to face with a dirty man's crotch, it was his erection resting on my shoulder. FML

#1068348 (177)

I agree, your life sucks (113542) - you deserved it (4810)

On 04/17/2009 at 9:19pm - intimacy - by gringa_Peru (woman) - Peru (Lima)

Today, My girlfriend and I were watching TV, randomly she starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited she says to me "Just Joking". FML

#946704 (297)

I agree, your life sucks (109274) - you deserved it (14451)

On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792 (843)

I agree, your life sucks (228732) - you deserved it (19504)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

#761206 (480)

I agree, your life sucks (167980) - you deserved it (51066)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML

#653658 (128)

I agree, your life sucks (76750) - you deserved it (6635)

On 03/27/2009 at 11:16pm - intimacy - by VampiresSayRawr (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was going to a stoplight party. Green shirt=single, yellow=hard to get and red=taken. I show up wearing a red shirt and I see my boyfriend in a green shirt. Thinking it was a mistake I ask him jokingly why he isnt wearing red. He looks at me weird and says "Oh... you didnt get my text?" FML

#642666 (117)

I agree, your life sucks (79873) - you deserved it (3202)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:47pm - misc - by 1234567898765432 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, it's my 18th birthday. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to Itunes. It came for free with the iPhone they just bought my sister for her middle school graduation. FML

#580113 (529)

I agree, your life sucks (335409) - you deserved it (16557)

On 03/24/2009 at 5:15pm - misc - by happybirthday (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML

#574471 (249)

I agree, your life sucks (159964) - you deserved it (24635)

On 03/24/2009 at 11:41am - love - by Kaeyne (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML

#527563 (350)

I agree, your life sucks (120108) - you deserved it (18812)

On 03/22/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Malta

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227 (490)

I agree, your life sucks (154525) - you deserved it (18173)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a call from the hospital that my fiance was in the ER. When I arrived at the hospital they told me that he had a heart attack while making love. FML

#469613 (244)

I agree, your life sucks (208726) - you deserved it (7653)

On 03/19/2009 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by jmoney (woman) - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML

#461201 (155)

I agree, your life sucks (107207) - you deserved it (5754)

On 03/19/2009 at 3:40am - intimacy - by cmerr (woman) - United States (New Jersey)