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Jake1144

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Jake1144

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 19 October 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1177
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Jake1144's page activity

Visits<b>sandpaper</b> - the 06/01/2009 at 8:43am

Jake1144's FML badges

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Jake1144's favorite FMLs

Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML

#1524498
394 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89561) - you deserved it (14003)

On 05/01/2009 at 1:40pm - intimacy - by chelle (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML

#1409707
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (105816) - you deserved it (8232)

On 04/27/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by seriouslywtf (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML

#1104891
400 comments

I agree, your life sucks (479317) - you deserved it (29244)

On 04/19/2009 at 12:05am - intimacy - by soontobedivorced (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes after sitting down, I felt something on my shoulder. Thinking it was a hand, I turned my head to look. I came face to face with a dirty man's crotch, it was his erection resting on my shoulder. FML

#1068348
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (153290) - you deserved it (8467)

On 04/17/2009 at 9:19pm - intimacy - by gringa_Peru (woman) - Peru (Lima)

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

#946704
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (147819) - you deserved it (21635)

On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
926 comments

I agree, your life sucks (350563) - you deserved it (38690)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML

#653658
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90402) - you deserved it (8929)

On 03/27/2009 at 11:16pm - intimacy - by VampiresSayRawr (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was going to a stoplight party. Green shirt=single, yellow=hard to get and red=taken. I show up wearing a red shirt and I see my boyfriend in a green shirt. Thinking it was a mistake, I ask him jokingly why he isn't wearing red. He looks at me weird and says, "Oh, you didn't get my text?" FML

#642666
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101651) - you deserved it (5216)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:47pm - misc - by 1234567898765432 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, it's my 18th birthday. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to iTunes. It came for free with the iPhone they just bought my sister for her middle school graduation. FML

#580113
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (597551) - you deserved it (37950)

On 03/24/2009 at 5:15pm - misc - by happybirthday (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML

#574471
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (249454) - you deserved it (42018)

On 03/24/2009 at 11:41am - love - by Kaeyne (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML

#527563
372 comments

I agree, your life sucks (173461) - you deserved it (30345)

On 03/22/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Malta

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227
519 comments

I agree, your life sucks (241718) - you deserved it (32149)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML

#461201
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (138613) - you deserved it (8564)

On 03/19/2009 at 3:40am - intimacy - by cmerr (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My dad has been a professor there for 30 years, and is on the board of admissions. FML

#366764
348 comments

I agree, your life sucks (394064) - you deserved it (89619)

On 03/16/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Washington)



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