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JacobDBurns

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JacobDBurns

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 2 October 1992 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 768
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 27 posted

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JacobDBurns's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:23pm<b>Riiley</b> - the 06/18/2011 at 10:15am<b>fluffingclouds</b> - the 01/24/2011 at 9:12am<b>saleha97</b> - the 01/24/2011 at 9:02am

JacobDBurns's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

JacobDBurns's favorite FMLs

Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML

#15538339
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33335) - you deserved it (4806)

On 03/28/2011 at 10:22pm - misc - by -_- - United States (Florida)

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

#14835077
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69703) - you deserved it (6564)

On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend "where art thou my love?" via SMS. She replied "Toilet." FML

#14659588
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14515) - you deserved it (26575)

On 01/21/2011 at 6:41am - love - by gummy bear -

Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML

#14653951
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40352) - you deserved it (3412)

On 01/20/2011 at 8:15pm - love - by fianceeless (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML

#14644616
364 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33883) - you deserved it (7628)

On 01/19/2011 at 10:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I broke my nose by sneezing too close to a table. FML

#14614721
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25026) - you deserved it (6886) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm - health - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

#14610613
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40118) - you deserved it (26552) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML

#14610611
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14036) - you deserved it (36240) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I hit a deer with a rental car... which I had to rent because I hit a deer with my car last week. FML

#14593479
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24763) - you deserved it (19331)

On 01/15/2011 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I came to the conclusion that you should always tell the truth. While I was busy reassuring her that the condom didn't break, she was telling me how it was okay because she was on the pill. According to the pregnancy test, we both lied. FML

#14585624
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12078) - you deserved it (46741)

On 01/15/2011 at 2:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I realized I'm pussy whipped by a chick I'm not even dating. FML

#14550494
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12113) - you deserved it (36517)

On 01/12/2011 at 2:46am - intimacy - by mad dude -

Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML

#14545580
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32806) - you deserved it (2722)

On 01/11/2011 at 1:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was in gym class talking to a guy I like. My friend then decided to come up behind me and pants me, pulling down my underwear along with them. His only comment? "Someone needs to shave." FML

#14515582
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35264) - you deserved it (6930)

On 01/09/2011 at 12:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

#14512160
460 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68581) - you deserved it (3648)

On 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. He's been calling his penis "fun-sized" for a while now, but I didn't know he meant it really was the size of a fun-size candy bar. I'm pretty sure I'm still technically a virgin. FML

#14475422
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49052) - you deserved it (8433)

On 01/05/2011 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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