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JackZ333's favorite FMLs
Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used my boss's address, and wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, and he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confirmation email, though. FML
by Alex / 07/15/2009 at 4:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I was babysitting. The kids were thirsty, so I poured them both a cup of the green juice I'd found in a jug in their fridge. They downed it in a flash. It wasn't until later on after I'd poured myself a cup and taken a sip, I realized I had given them margarita mix. The kids are 4 and 2. FML
by smth / 07/05/2009 at 10:39pm / United States (Utah) / Kids
Today, I called my Dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell was. She then informed me that our Dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML
by shroomda / 06/29/2009 at 3:29am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I picked up my 17 years old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said "so you are the daddy" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a ho and I a perv. FML
by enderw / 06/16/2009 at 1:22pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
by badmom / 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
Today, my last task for the day as a high school janitor was to power-wash the concrete area where the graduation ceremony will take place. Tired and bored, I drew a huge penis with the power hose. Right before I was going to wash it off, the machine broke. Graduation is tomorrow. FML
by waterproblem / 05/27/2009 at 7:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by a / 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy
by insideout / 05/10/2009 at 4:25pm / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy
Today, I was on a small plane. A flight attendant told us that there was too much weight in the front of the plane and they needed 3 people to move to the back of the plane. I volunteer and walk to the back. She says, "Okay, we're going to need 1 more person." FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2009 at 12:39am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
Today, my ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore I am an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML
by cxcrktkt / 04/12/2009 at 12:44am / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Powerfool / 04/07/2009 at 6:07am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled 'what's a clit'? Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when i got home. FML
by danmarino / 03/09/2009 at 7:29pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
by Noname / 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, in biology class, I kept seeing a fly mosquito buzzing past my face and I kept trying to swat at it... only to realize that it was a ceiling sprinkler that was about 10 feet away. I have no depth perception. FML
by Mith / 02/04/2009 at 5:56am / Poland (Wielkopolskie) / Animals
by Marco / 10/13/2008 at 4:29am / Money
- Today, my boss found out that I have been dating and sleeping with his daughter. I didn't know she… Today, my depth perception has reached an all time low. I swatted the "fly" in front of my face for… Today, I tried to wake up my boyfriend for morning sex with a Blowjob, he woke up looked at me said…