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JackZ333's favorite FMLs
Today, while on my run, I was attacked by my neighbor's new dog. It apparently didn't like me running past their house and broke free from its chain. I now have stitches and was just told that I'm probably being taken to court for the emotional distress I caused her and the dog. FML
by Anonymous / 10/10/2010 at 8:57pm / United States (Missouri) / Health
Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 10:00am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by KBL3 / 08/11/2010 at 5:16am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by Doritos / 06/17/2010 at 4:06am / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
by BNLM / 03/08/2010 at 8:11pm / United States / Intimacy
by Vastu / 02/07/2010 at 12:42pm / Nepal / Money
by burnedboy / 01/18/2010 at 2:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my 4 year old daughter was looking at a magazine cover with a well endowed model showing off her clevage. She looked at me and said, "Mommy, when I grow up will I have big round boobies like her or tiny pointy ones like you?" FML
by andy / 01/01/2010 at 9:12am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2009 at 7:08am / United States (Washington) / Holidays
Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML
by DangerZone / 11/11/2009 at 10:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Volume_control / 11/10/2009 at 9:41am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I received a call from a collection agency. Since I had no clue, I was ready to file a police report for stolen identity. I then called my mom only to find out she has been opening new credit cards with my information for 3 years and not paying them. My credit is ruined and I'm only 21. FML
by thafinest / 10/12/2009 at 7:32pm / United States (North Carolina) / Money
Today, I was running late and realized I had locked my keys in my car. Frantic, I threw a rock through the drivers side window to retrieve them, just before noticing the passenger side door was unlocked. FML
by Britters89 / 10/04/2009 at 1:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Adalia / 10/03/2009 at 11:38am / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Miscellaneous
Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML
by WiltedFlower / 07/31/2009 at 12:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…
- Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he… Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, I came back from the hospital after back surgery which required putting screws in my spine.…