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JackZ333's favorite FMLs
Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML
by blondie107 / 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
by SkeetinKeaton / 05/06/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Kids
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML
by itsellie27 / 04/30/2013 at 6:23pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, my guidance counselor told me that I'll have to join my school's special education needs sector. This is because I can't attend school properly due to chronic issues with severe pain. So much for my 3.9 GPA and being in the top 5% of my class. FML
by Anonymous / 04/30/2013 at 1:55pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers for Glee did not write "Bohemian Rhapsody" and that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them. We're both 17 years old, and she reacted by kicking a chair at me. FML
by Anonymous / 04/27/2013 at 11:16pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/27/2013 at 2:33am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was denounced for being a terrible person, because my family raises chickens, some of which we eat. I was then told how cruel I am for "killing innocent birds" and that "good" people buy their meat from the supermarket. FML
by Anonymous / 04/26/2013 at 2:01pm / Mexico (Baja California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while he was eating chicken, one of my friends asked me why I'm a vegetarian. I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals are forced to live in. He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals, they're birds." FML
by revan546 / 04/26/2013 at 9:23am / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals
by justgivemethed / 04/25/2013 at 3:55am / United States (California) / Work
by fiercehawk / 04/24/2013 at 2:23am / United States (Indiana) / Health
by Anonymous / 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm / Thailand / Kids
by jll14 / 03/31/2013 at 6:27pm / Malaysia (Sabah) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/30/2013 at 1:23am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2013 at 9:13pm / United States (California) / Kids
- Today, I realized my girlfriend makes the same exact noises in bed and when she eats. I don't know… Today, I am 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas… Today, I went to Starbucks to use the bathroom. After I knocked on the door, and turned the handle,…