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Iola94's favorite FMLs
Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML
by a4rk / 07/08/2012 at 2:32pm / Malaysia (Sarawak) / Work
Today, my boyfriend of seven months and I were looking at some pictures on his iPad. I saw a picture of a kid of about two years old that looked a little like him. I jokingly said, "What, is that your son?" Imagine my surprise when he said that it was. FML
by confusedbutloved / 07/08/2012 at 8:42am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to make me dinner surrounded by a candlelight setting. By the time I got home, we had 7 firefighters surrounding our house. Turns out one of the candles fell on the carpet and lit up the curtain as well. FML
by mynameiscrazy / 07/07/2012 at 9:42pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
by momolee / 07/07/2012 at 3:13pm / Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad) / Kids
by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I discovered that I'm adopted. How? After a great lunch, I asked my uncle how he'd made the salad dressing. He replied, "Haha! It's a secret family recipe, my dear!" I wouldn't have thought twice about it, were it not for my parents' shocked expressions, and the long, awkward silence. FML
by Lyn / 07/06/2012 at 6:14pm / France / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/05/2012 at 12:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I was at the airport. I was on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was 4. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irritated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to f*ck off. The strange man was my father. FML
by BunniesOnAcid / 07/03/2012 at 7:01pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having an argument with my girlfriend in front of our friends. I didn't want her to spoil my good time, so I ignored her until she disappeared. She re-appeared thirty minutes later just to throw a punch that would make Muhammad Ali jealous. Our friends' reaction? They clapped. FML
by ali / 07/03/2012 at 7:51am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was getting ready to go to the midnight premiere of the new Spiderman movie, I was actually bitten by a spider. He gets super powers and a hot girl, I swell up like a balloon and get to spend the night in the hospital. FML
by spiderfail / 07/03/2012 at 4:03am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
by furious at five in the morning / 07/02/2012 at 8:36am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by FuckYou / 07/02/2012 at 2:07am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML
by BloodFaerie / 06/30/2012 at 2:49am / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML
by fuckjuggalos / 06/29/2012 at 7:57pm / United States (Oregon) / Health
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…