About Insane94 : Here to read, not to bleed.
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Insane94's favorite FMLs
Today, I ran into my girlfriend by chance while out shopping. She looked different than usual. Maybe it was the wedding ring she was wearing, or how she had her arm around another gentleman, gee, I don't know. That's two years of my life wasted. FML
by wrecked / 06/09/2014 at 5:03pm / United States / Love
by pissed off / 05/16/2014 at 8:33pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML
by Nose bleed / 04/15/2014 at 10:48pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
by Motha / 04/09/2014 at 1:17am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by Great / 04/08/2014 at 9:42pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by lacy / 03/01/2014 at 3:23am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
Today, I was at the mall with a couple of friends when we saw a couple of cute boys. I made eye contact with the cutest one. Flustered, I giggled, only to send a wad of snot flying out of my nose. FML
by Anonymous / 02/21/2014 at 9:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML
by Anonymous / 02/15/2014 at 5:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 10:20am / United States (Nevada) / Animals
by Tara115 / 02/09/2014 at 2:20am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML
by mom / 01/25/2014 at 11:29pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/25/2014 at 7:28am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML
by Anonymous / 01/13/2014 at 2:34am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML
by Anonymous / 01/11/2014 at 7:26pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML
by chapstick / 01/08/2014 at 10:23pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my friend stole my phone to call the creepy boy that follows me around at school. I wouldn't… Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was,… Today, I have been released from jail because my idiot friends decided to get me a surprise hooker…