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Mobility
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Today, I was driving my little sister to school. She really didn't wanna go and was throwing a tantrum in the car. When we stopped at a red light, my sister notices a police man giving a ticket to another driver. She rolled down her window and screamed "Help me! I'm being kidnapped by a murderer!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (56775) - you deserved it (2466)
On 08/19/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Amara1717 (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11015) - you deserved it (50227)
On 08/18/2009 at 9:13pm - love - by litterbox_girl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was at a party and I really had to use the bathroom. There were 30-40 people talking outside the door, so I thought it would be ok to make some noise. Just as I'm about to begin having explosive diarrhea, everyone falls silent as my dad begins to pray for our meal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39382) - you deserved it (3752)
On 07/19/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by Churizmo - United States
Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6218) - you deserved it (87350)
On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32590) - you deserved it (16292)
On 05/18/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by poop (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (139630) - you deserved it (32559)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, I told my parents that I was going out with my boyfriend and they agreed to let me go as long as I was home by midnight. Did I come home on time? Yes. Was my shirt right side out? No. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18149) - you deserved it (85414)
On 05/10/2009 at 4:25pm - intimacy - by insideout (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me, "what would happen to me if you and daddy died?". I told her that she'd probably live with her Uncle Ant and Aunt Ilene. She looked at me and said "You guys can die. I won't cry. I get everything I want over there." FML
I agree, your life sucks (79178) - you deserved it (6703)
On 05/02/2009 at 4:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I went to the doctor and found out that I am infertile. When I called my boyfriend of 2 years (whom I was hoping to have a future with) to talk to him about it, all he said was "So does this mean I don't have to wear a condom anymore?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (51022) - you deserved it (5243)
On 04/17/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Delaware)
Today, my daughter's school was putting on a fashion show for charity and all the kids were supposed to ask their mothers to be in it. I asked my daughter about it and she said "well I was going to ask you, but they said only to 'ask all of your BEAUTIFUL mommies." FML
I agree, your life sucks (59780) - you deserved it (2592)
On 04/08/2009 at 4:08pm - kids - by livay315 (woman) - United States (Vermont)
Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (76546) - you deserved it (13451)
On 04/01/2009 at 4:16am - misc - by highleyj (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. All of a sudden he jumped off of me, going "shit, shit!". Worried, i asked him what was wrong. He shouted "I forgot to set my TiVO!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (91678) - you deserved it (5802)
On 03/30/2009 at 8:06pm - intimacy - by Jenny (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I had an anxiety attack when I was hanging out with my boyfriend. He pulled me close to him and I started to feel better, until he put my hand down his pants and around his penis and said, "Here! Try this to take your mind off it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (59142) - you deserved it (6620)
On 03/23/2009 at 3:37pm - misc - by Marian (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32967) - you deserved it (114446)
On 03/22/2009 at 3:45pm - misc - by Mason_Jayson - United States (Iowa)
Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (316083) - you deserved it (27851)
On 03/21/2009 at 3:15am - intimacy - by jilted (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Monday 20 May 2013
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