About ImTheAlpha : I am fabulous. Likes Industrial, Punk, and Goth fashion and music. Doesn't understand the elitist attitude, though. Likes (and hates) politics (seriously some things are just basic human decencyyyyyy and stahp with the religious excuuuuuse). Likes anime. And Pokemon. Cyberpunk is life, nowadays almost literally. message me if you wanna talk, I don't bite people I don't know. I'm so booooorrrreeeeeddd notice me senpai I HAVE SUCCEEDED AT GETTING MODERATED REPLYING TO MY OWN FML look at all the profile pictures! :33 I congratulate those who get this far but seriously you just wasted a bit of your life on this and you're still reading.
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ImTheAlpha's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 05/25/2016 at 12:38pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I gave my cat a little kiss on the head. Just as I was about to tell him I love him, he sneezed directly into my face. It's been two hours and I still can't get the taste of cat snot out of my mouth. I probably need to get a life. FML
by Anonymous / 05/15/2016 at 8:25pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to meet my family for the first time. We all got really drunk and he made out with my dad. This was day one and we don't fly back for another 16 days. FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 1:48pm / United States (Oregon) / Holidays
by dickface / 03/31/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I, a vampire-pale girl, went on a blind date with a very dark-skinned young man. We got on like a house on fire, and everything was going smoothly until we leant in for the kiss. I was wearing makeup and no setting spray. He came away with half his face smudged snow white. FML
by JJ / 03/21/2016 at 3:06pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Intimacy
Today, I called to see if my bridesmaid's dress was ready. They told me it had already been picked up, the bride's mom picked up the dress and got rid of it because she doesn't want me in the wedding. FML
by buttercup92 / 03/13/2016 at 9:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Thanks Trump / 03/08/2016 at 5:31pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I donated a dollar to a kids charity at Lowe's. The cashier handed me a star to sign my name, I signed it and gave it back to her. She looked at me with disgust and asked what was wrong with me. I had to pull out my license to prove to her that my name is really Michael Myers. FML
by M1CHA3L_MY3RZ / 03/01/2016 at 8:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML
by Anonymous / 02/28/2016 at 6:49am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous
by bregaja / 02/25/2016 at 1:59pm / United States (Mississippi) / Love
Today, my grandma posted an embarrassing childhood photo on my school's events page. I told her everyone could see it, and asked if she could take it down. She freaked and commented on it, apologizing for posting it. Now I feel guilty for embarrassing her, and it's still on the page. FML
by purplefuzz / 02/19/2016 at 6:34pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/19/2016 at 1:26pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I visited my son at his university accommodations and noticed he's clearly never cleaned it since he moved in two years ago. I tried cleaning it myself, but gave up entirely when I found what looked like mushrooms growing out of an old takeout container. FML
by Pauline / 02/09/2016 at 4:35pm / United States / Kids
by thrill house / 01/24/2016 at 7:57pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, I had to listen to my brother whine yet again about being single and how unfair it is. This is a guy who owns an "I fuck on the first date" t-shirt and has more than once referred to women as "vaginas with a person attached". Last time I called him out for being such a dick, I got punched. FML
by Anonymous / 01/03/2016 at 9:01am / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like… Today, I went on a road trip with my boyfriend and his best friend. What I thought was going to be… Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing man she met at the club with her…