About ImTheAlpha : Follow on: Twitter- alex_fails I follow back. Døn't worry, I'm just creeping through the comments. If I click your profile, it's either because you're interesting, you said sømething smart, it was an accident, I wanted to send you a message but førgøt the app doesn't dø that, because your name was cool/funny/unique, you said sømething unbelievably stupid, your pic is cool, or you're cute. ¡f u tlk lyk d¡s, I disregard whatever you say and ask one of my friends to translate. Thanks for creeping on me, I feel special. Remember, I can't get messages, so you have to ask questions on my Twitter.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Judgmental
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, my grandpa was visiting. My neighbors started blasting out rap music, as they've done nearly 24/7 for months, telling me to fuck off when I complain. He went over and screamed he'd gut them like fish if they didn't pipe down. They did. He's 68 and still more intimidating than me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14469) - you deserved it (2969)
On 09/07/2012 at 6:59pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I have a cold, and was stuck sleeping in bed. My roommate decided to wake me up by sticking headphones in my ears and playing heavy metal on full volume. This is the third time this week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14080) - you deserved it (1482)
On 08/30/2012 at 4:34pm - health - by shadowsorel - United States (Illinois)
Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29680) - you deserved it (2916) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 08/02/2012 at 9:00am - love - by opinaise - France (Midi-Pyrenees)
Today, everyone found out about the strange but intense fetish I have for women physically lifting me. It all came out when my friend, a female bodybuilder, decided to grab and pick me up for a laugh. I came in my pants, in front of about twenty people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31281) - you deserved it (7151)
On 07/25/2012 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I trimmed my beard. When I showed my wife, she said, "Yeah, but you still look like a serial killer." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15544) - you deserved it (4094)
On 06/16/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by Schaf_12 (man) - Austria (Wien)
Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18970) - you deserved it (1242)
On 05/18/2012 at 10:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18970) - you deserved it (1242)
On 05/18/2012 at 10:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my boyfriend figured out that he can bounce small things off of my boobs, and has been doing it every time I look away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16016) - you deserved it (2689)
On 04/28/2012 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Elise - United States
Today, my boyfriend figured out that he can bounce small things off of my boobs, and has been doing it every time I look away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16016) - you deserved it (2689)
On 04/28/2012 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Elise - United States
Today, my mum bought a phone. Since teaching her how to text, I have received 27 messages, repeatedly saying the word "penis". FML
I agree, your life sucks (16972) - you deserved it (3139)
On 04/21/2012 at 5:26am - misc - by jaderie - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I realised that I've been working in an all-male environment for too long when my supervisor walked into the canteen visibly scratching his balls, and this seemed like a completely normal occurrence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13925) - you deserved it (1694)
On 03/21/2012 at 9:25am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I asked my mom if she could buy me some anti-nausea medicine. She said, "You just have a stomach ache. It's not like you're throwing up." As she said it, I threw up everything but my childhood memories. She still wouldn't get any medicine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18546) - you deserved it (1618)
On 03/19/2012 at 3:20pm - health - by Shleebs (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15172) - you deserved it (8051)
On 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland
Today, I was watching a kid at school walk like a gangster. My teacher was standing there, so I stood behind the kid and walked like him, laughing to myself, at which point my teacher took me to one side and told me the kid was handicapped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6914) - you deserved it (38339)
On 03/14/2012 at 4:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I had a mild epileptic seizure. My mom's immediate reaction was not to comfort me or call for help, but to freak out over the fact that I'd spilled my glass of milk over the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20326) - you deserved it (1303)
On 03/13/2012 at 12:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Monday 17 June 2013
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