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ImJoshmeister

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ImJoshmeister

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ImJoshmeister's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

#19453436
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18298) - you deserved it (47513)

On 04/12/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by girly (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend pulling off scabs and eating them. My scabs. FML

#19448273
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37688) - you deserved it (3118)

On 04/11/2012 at 5:53am - health - by Scabby (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my seven-year-old told me to lose weight. Her reason? There's a family fun day coming up at her school and she is embarrassed. FML

#19447542
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17292) - you deserved it (19688)

On 04/11/2012 at 1:04am - kids - by vanessax (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while walking to work, I swore I saw one of my old friends from college standing in the park across the street. I started shouting her name and waving my hands like a maniac to get her attention. It was a statue. FML

#19447038
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9503) - you deserved it (22618)

On 04/10/2012 at 11:49pm - misc - by Becca (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML

#19438168
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22437) - you deserved it (2525)

On 04/09/2012 at 6:32pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got mugged at Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. FML

#19434352
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33708) - you deserved it (3093)

On 04/09/2012 at 1:15am - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML

#18015213
321 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51187) - you deserved it (8050)

On 10/18/2011 at 1:34pm - intimacy - by Mini-wanker (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally got an unsightly mole on my face removed. While I was shaving. FML

#14351793
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29536) - you deserved it (3862)

On 12/27/2010 at 12:37am - health - by boreed (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

#13661699
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64720) - you deserved it (9184)

On 10/31/2010 at 9:30am - intimacy - by Tai - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

#13661699
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64720) - you deserved it (9184)

On 10/31/2010 at 9:30am - intimacy - by Tai - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I posted a picture of my boyfriend and I kissing on facebook. He untagged himself. FML

#6530048
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32508) - you deserved it (17787)

On 11/30/2009 at 7:17am - love - by destiny147 (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML

#2804463
828 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32668) - you deserved it (302924)

On 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by ouchers (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML

#2733266
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18772) - you deserved it (43074)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:45am - love - by Ryan746 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

#2321503
854 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34293) - you deserved it (256661)

On 05/26/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by Jerrrr (man) - United States (New York)



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