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ImJoshmeister

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ImJoshmeister

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  • Number of visits : 328
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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ImJoshmeister's favorite FMLs

Today, it was my wedding day. With my best friend as the priest, she asked, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" After saying I do, she then turned to him and asked, "Do you want to bang my friend?" Everyone laughed, except my already disapproving father. FML

#19514689
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27599) - you deserved it (4214)

On 04/23/2012 at 12:04am - love - by gottalovefriends - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I realized that both my husband and son refer to me as "the bitch." FML

#19510821
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17794) - you deserved it (25181)

On 04/22/2012 at 11:34am - misc - by stoggie96 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41881) - you deserved it (3827)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, I was issued with a £60 fine for being parked in a supermarket car-park for more than 3 hours. I work there. FML

Today, I attempted to wax my "lady area". It hurt more than losing my virginity. FML

#19490295
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25536) - you deserved it (8858)

On 04/18/2012 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I found out my boyfriend and I have more in common than I thought. We both are sexually attracted to men. FML

Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML

#19489197
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23788) - you deserved it (5836)

On 04/18/2012 at 9:43am - misc - by Fartfail (man) - Hong Kong

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

#19482788
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30717) - you deserved it (2594)

On 04/17/2012 at 5:38am - health - by SeeingLlamas (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

#19480957
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22315) - you deserved it (6590)

On 04/16/2012 at 9:59pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was fixing a leak in the roof. When I was climbing down the ladder, it fell, but I managed to grab the ledge of the roof. The ladder hit my wife's car, then I fell on top of the ladder. My wife came running out to ask what happened to the car. FML

#19478147
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20513) - you deserved it (2234)

On 04/16/2012 at 11:52am - health - by fhe - Puerto Rico

Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML

#19477663
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24572) - you deserved it (2925)

On 04/16/2012 at 8:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

#19475030
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19150) - you deserved it (36680)

On 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by lifeonfire12 (woman) - Canada

Today, I had to get stitches on my foot and was then forced to wear a plastic bag on my foot while showering. The plastic bag made me slip in the shower and had to go back and get stitches in my forehead. FML

#19474483
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26278) - you deserved it (3328)

On 04/15/2012 at 7:39pm - health - by Shone - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

#19463606
582 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13066) - you deserved it (54043) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, I was Skyping with this kid, when his girlfriend started arguing with him. They do this every other week, and there was a bet on when they'd finally break up. I egged the guy on and told him not to take her shit. She ended up dumping him. Now I feel like an asshole, and all for a lousy $20. FML

#19462758
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5429) - you deserved it (40449)

On 04/13/2012 at 7:14pm - love - by c*nt (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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