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ImJoshmeister

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ImJoshmeister

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 823
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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ImJoshmeister's favorite FMLs

Today, my fiancé and I broke up, and he won't answer my calls or texts. I don't want him back; he has my dog. FML

#19702811
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29610) - you deserved it (3229)

On 05/30/2012 at 1:25am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad turns around and says he was expecting him to have a guide dog. This is why I don't have much confidence in myself. FML

#19690417
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25825) - you deserved it (1866)

On 05/27/2012 at 8:31pm - misc - by hitnmiss66 (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26713) - you deserved it (3028)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to the water park with my boyfriend. A swimsuit was required to go on the rides. My bikini straps somehow got torn off and I had nothing else with me. My boyfriend said, "Hell, just wear my spare shorts. You could pass as a guy with your chest". FML

#19642292
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30404) - you deserved it (3225)

On 05/18/2012 at 3:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

#19623439
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39518) - you deserved it (4086) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm - misc - by lafinesse (woman) -

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

#19619815
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28302) - you deserved it (2667)

On 05/13/2012 at 11:14pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet.  A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML

#19609899
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9290) - you deserved it (50187)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:27am - misc - by Snickers (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

#19609877
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11296) - you deserved it (58932)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:24am - intimacy - by Hunter101 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

#19586113
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29465) - you deserved it (4715)

On 05/07/2012 at 5:51am - misc - by N (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I noticed my nephew has blue eyes, freckles and dimples which don't run in my family or my sister's husband's family, but they do run in my husband's family. FML

#19581290
328 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37429) - you deserved it (3735)

On 05/06/2012 at 9:53am - misc - by Damn (woman) - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, "Hang on, I'm buffering." FML

#19580511
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33201) - you deserved it (3819)

On 05/06/2012 at 2:39am - intimacy - by Kwalker3 - United States (California)

Today, my turtle, who had a little portion of the garden all to herself, died. My 5-year-old nephew wanted to "be like Mario" by jumping on her. FML

#19576176
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38120) - you deserved it (2485) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/05/2012 at 6:06am - kids - by Grindyloo -

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

#19572377
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14324) - you deserved it (43744)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:49am - health - by authorsubmit - United States

Today, I drove for hours to attend a martial arts tournament, and then I waited ages for it to finally start. I lost in less than a minute. FML

#19548307
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23763) - you deserved it (6164)

On 04/29/2012 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML

#19548071
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27391) - you deserved it (2737)

On 04/29/2012 at 2:31pm - love - by davincourt (man) - United States (Florida)



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