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ImJoshmeister

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ImJoshmeister

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  • Number of visits : 292
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ImJoshmeister's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML

#19703392
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34922) - you deserved it (8636)

On 05/30/2012 at 5:46am - intimacy - by Brax (man) - United States

Today, my fiancé and I broke up, and he won't answer my calls or texts. I don't want him back; he has my dog. FML

#19702811
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27056) - you deserved it (3029)

On 05/30/2012 at 1:25am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad turns around and says he was expecting him to have a guide dog. This is why I don't have much confidence in myself. FML

#19690417
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23891) - you deserved it (1714)

On 05/27/2012 at 8:31pm - misc - by hitnmiss66 (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26327) - you deserved it (2996)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to the water park with my boyfriend. A swimsuit was required to go on the rides. My bikini straps somehow got torn off and I had nothing else with me. My boyfriend said, "Hell, just wear my spare shorts. You could pass as a guy with your chest". FML

#19642292
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27717) - you deserved it (2951)

On 05/18/2012 at 3:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

#19623439
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37805) - you deserved it (3963) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm - misc - by lafinesse (woman) -

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

#19619815
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26931) - you deserved it (2538)

On 05/13/2012 at 11:14pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet.  A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML

#19609899
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8361) - you deserved it (46996)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:27am - misc - by Snickers (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

#19609877
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11003) - you deserved it (58094)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:24am - intimacy - by Hunter101 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

#19586113
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29097) - you deserved it (4667)

On 05/07/2012 at 5:51am - misc - by N (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I noticed my nephew has blue eyes, freckles and dimples which don't run in my family or my sister's husband's family, but they do run in my husband's family. FML

#19581290
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36769) - you deserved it (3682)

On 05/06/2012 at 9:53am - misc - by Damn (woman) - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, "Hang on, I'm buffering." FML

#19580511
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30268) - you deserved it (3534)

On 05/06/2012 at 2:39am - intimacy - by Kwalker3 - United States (California)

Today, my turtle, who had a little portion of the garden all to herself, died. My 5-year-old nephew wanted to "be like Mario" by jumping on her. FML

#19576176
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35568) - you deserved it (2288) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/05/2012 at 6:06am - kids - by Grindyloo -

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

#19572377
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13117) - you deserved it (41232)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:49am - health - by authorsubmit - United States

Today, I drove for hours to attend a martial arts tournament, and then I waited ages for it to finally start. I lost in less than a minute. FML

#19548307
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21485) - you deserved it (5789)

On 04/29/2012 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Dakota)



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