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Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7684) - you deserved it (26885)
On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States
Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15927) - you deserved it (3521)
On 07/17/2012 at 9:54am - health - by Anonymous - Greece (Attiki)
Today, my husband and I stopped at a scenic overlook on top of a mountain. I looked down and noticed several small shells and excitedly called him over. I said, "I can't believe I found fossils here!" The moment it came out of my mouth, I realized they were pistachio shells. So did he. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4586) - you deserved it (12995)
On 07/17/2012 at 4:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alaska)
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years. I came home and when my dad asked what was wrong, I told him. His first reaction was, "Well damn it. Who'll go fishing with me now?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18017) - you deserved it (1679)
On 07/17/2012 at 3:19am - love - by lovealways22 (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I went to a coffee shop with my friend. The guy rang her up and said it was only a dollar as he winked at her $10 purchase. Then he rang me up at completely full price. She got his number and I got to be the ugly friend once again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22981) - you deserved it (2739)
On 07/17/2012 at 2:09am - misc - by theuglyfriend (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15418) - you deserved it (1209)
On 07/17/2012 at 12:54am - misc - by anonymous - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my boyfriend's mother introduced me as his "friend". We've been together for 10 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20023) - you deserved it (1935)
On 07/16/2012 at 8:58pm - love - by lurna301 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my husband and I agreed that he would name our first born and I would name our second. He's dead-set on naming our child "Raindropp" no matter whether it's a boy or girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19020) - you deserved it (5161)
On 07/16/2012 at 4:57pm - kids - by trisha (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend picked me up and spun me around like they do in the movies, but not before grimacing, taking a deep breath, and muttering "one, two, three... and... uuuppp!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (14017) - you deserved it (3755)
On 07/16/2012 at 4:51pm - misc - by dogmom (woman) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I made microwaveable popcorn. When the bag finished popping, I took it out and opened it and put my face in close to get a big whiff. It now feels like I have third degree burns inside my nose and behind my eyes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4595) - you deserved it (30086)
On 07/16/2012 at 3:21pm - health - by AlbertEinstein_ (woman) - Ireland
Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17228) - you deserved it (1935)
On 07/16/2012 at 2:25pm - misc - by CantBlink - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my neighbors are moving. As we were saying our goodbyes, their 12-year-old son approached and thanked me for the times I forgot to shut the blinds and he watched me change. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12313) - you deserved it (17685)
On 07/16/2012 at 10:38am - kids - by oops123 (woman) - United States
Today, my thoughts that I'm going crazy were confirmed when I got into the shower with my socks on. The worst part is that I didn't realize it for a good five minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13350) - you deserved it (3443)
On 07/16/2012 at 4:12am - health - by goincrazy - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I called the cops to let them know that a drunk man was driving dangerously down my road. About an hour later, I was going to the store and got pulled over for speeding by the cop I called. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5755) - you deserved it (25715)
On 07/16/2012 at 2:04am - misc - by SCdriver (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I went to a movie with this guy. He was late so the only seats available were the ones in the very front which he refused to sit in. As we were looking for two seats, he spotted one near the back and sat down, leaving me to sit by myself in the front. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25948) - you deserved it (2016)
On 07/16/2012 at 12:21am - love - by BC94 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Monday 20 May 2013
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