HouseElf

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HouseElf

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2789
  • Number of comments : 95
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About HouseElf : Tired of cleaning up after people~


Message me by owl.

HouseElf's page activity

Visits<b>Emmalyne606777</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 5:13pm<b>agostina_mc</b> - the 02/18/2016 at 9:24pm<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 6:03pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 11:46pm<b>mongoosemike</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 9:03am<b>Dodgerohiofan</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 9:27pm<b>SweetSociopathy</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 8:28pm<b>johnlockshipper</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 2:22pm<b>Liamj774</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 1:38pm<b>SirAnon</b> - the 12/20/2014 at 10:13am<b>varutha</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 11:17am<b>meowkittypebis</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 3:13pm<b>samstien</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 3:26am<b>tigerisabelle</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 2:03pm<b>toshtits</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 11:08am<b>SiRiSpartan</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 11:52pm<b>Celestial_Dreams</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 11:15pm<b>Mornai</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 9:05pm

Fucked!<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 12:03am<b>Liamj774</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 7:38pm

HouseElf's FML badges

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HouseElf's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that without my birth control pills, I would have no idea what day it is. FML

by PurpleSloth / 02/15/2013 at 8:57am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he found out my birthday is the same day as his, and he thinks we are twins who were separated at birth. FML

by okay then / 02/13/2013 at 5:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I've been living in Kenya in a nasty apartment for so long that when I looked down into my drink and saw a dead fly, I just picked it out and continued drinking. FML

by kenyaliving / 02/13/2013 at 5:04pm / Kenya / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

by gassy / 02/12/2013 at 9:18am / United States / Love

Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML

by Thai rice mistake / 02/12/2013 at 3:04am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML

by thoughtidseenitall / 02/01/2013 at 8:01pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary. I had cooked him a romantic meal and we were planning on eating it in front of the fire. This would have gone great had I not forgotten to unblock the chimney. My entire basement filled with smoke and didn't clear for three hours. FML

by anonymous / 01/30/2013 at 11:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, a cyclone hit my city. Though everywhere else is flooding, my house is fine. Well, that was until the toilet decided to overflow and regurgitate the entire town's sewerage. So now my only bathroom is covered in sewage, and I can't go anywhere else because of the flooding. FML

by shitday / 01/27/2013 at 6:47pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML

by protoplasm stole my seat / 01/25/2013 at 8:24pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

by methane overload / 01/18/2013 at 8:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, the lead singer of the band I recently joined blatantly admitted to a fan that the only reason he let me in was because I'm "so fuckin' ugly" that I make the rest of them look "ten times better" in comparison. FML

by sad drummer / 01/17/2013 at 3:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML

by veggieluver / 01/15/2013 at 7:58pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML

by daughter of a gullible cunt / 01/13/2013 at 4:02pm / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl of my dreams asked me if I wanted to go biking with her. "Just the two of us," she said. I had to turn her down because I'm 17 years old and never learned how to ride a bike. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2013 at 1:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Love