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HortonThelephant

Offline (the 12/31/2013 at 9:58pm) | Search for a member

HortonThelephant

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 23 November 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1270
  • Number of comments : 284
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About HortonThelephant : "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy. Its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill.

HortonThelephant's page activity

Visits<b>kingdomgirl123</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 3:35am<b>11bGrunT</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 12:12am<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 1:00am<b>AHotCupOfCoffee</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 1:47pm<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 6:39am<b>wotfukm8</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 2:26pm<b>tangerine06</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 2:24am<b>RapunzelForReal</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 11:38am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 5:32pm<b>skyttlz</b> - the 03/25/2014 at 3:05am<b>CarlosDanger</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 4:06pm<b>vipirius</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 3:27pm<b>samm12099</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 11:13am<b>Velandre</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 10:38am<b>Paco_el_Taco</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 8:59am<b>aruam365</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 7:31am<b>milobindi</b> - the 03/03/2014 at 7:41pm<b>TheDrifter</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 5:40pm

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HortonThelephant's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60530) - you deserved it (9142)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60636) - you deserved it (20251)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)

Today, as I was about to open a door at school, a student opened it and hit me. As I recovered and was about to open it again, someone else opened the door, hitting me again. Everyone laughed. FML

#20527903
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32867) - you deserved it (3428)

On 03/02/2013 at 9:09am - misc - by Doors Hate Me - United States

Today, I came home to find all of the wood in my house either broken or gone. On the now legless table there was a note from my mother, saying that she needed the wood to build a boat, and that I will thank her when the world ends. FML

#20197527
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27193) - you deserved it (1569)

On 12/09/2012 at 10:29am - misc - by woodless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home to find all of the wood in my house either broken or gone. On the now legless table there was a note from my mother, saying that she needed the wood to build a boat, and that I will thank her when the world ends. FML

#20197527
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27193) - you deserved it (1569)

On 12/09/2012 at 10:29am - misc - by woodless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after declining an amazing job offer that pays more than double what I make now in order to accept a promotion my boss offered me if I stayed, I asked when I would receive the promotion and pay raise. She snorted and said, "You thought I was serious about that?" FML

#19703375
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28066) - you deserved it (9024)

On 05/30/2012 at 5:37am - work - by Fackwork (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I decided to take a peek in my fiancé's vow book to see how far he's got. The only thing in there was the lyrics to a song from the movie Shrek. FML

#19164325
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10404) - you deserved it (24627)

On 02/25/2012 at 11:09pm - misc - by KMO - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML

#18698902
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33430) - you deserved it (5704)

On 01/03/2012 at 6:07pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML

#18698902
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33430) - you deserved it (5704)

On 01/03/2012 at 6:07pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

#18671217
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46786) - you deserved it (3239)

On 01/01/2012 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I work at McDonald's. The entire crew, myself included, got visibly excited that we had new trash cans and dust pans. FML

#16063941
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31963) - you deserved it (7476)

On 05/06/2011 at 1:15am - work - by Tyler (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML

#13904254
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24040) - you deserved it (3195)

On 11/19/2010 at 9:45pm - misc - by Dammit... - United States (California)

Today, I have a busy day of college work ahead of me. I figured I'd best have a good breakfast. Then I realised I'd completely ran out of food except for various types of sauces and condiments. So what am I having for breakfast today? That's right. A nice cup of Gravy. FML

#13416322
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10926) - you deserved it (26771)

On 10/12/2010 at 2:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, my doctor told me I had "abnormally large breasts." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a 20 year old man. FML

#12922106
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28884) - you deserved it (7099)

On 09/05/2010 at 8:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML

#12284629
369 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73531) - you deserved it (4253)

On 08/03/2010 at 8:11am - love - by Broken (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Abu Dhabi)



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