HortonThelephant

Search for a member

Offline (the 12/31/2013 at 9:58pm)

HortonThelephant

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 23 November 1991 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1905
  • Number of comments : 284
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About HortonThelephant : "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy. Its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill.

HortonThelephant's page activity

Visits<b>astrodick</b> - the 07/22/2016 at 1:21am<b>mroy1300</b> - the 07/16/2016 at 11:37pm<b>Strajee</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 2:19am<b>11Tec11</b> - the 05/11/2016 at 1:23pm<b>lilpurplekat</b> - the 04/30/2016 at 7:35pm<b>Torvaltz</b> - the 01/03/2016 at 8:47pm<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 09/07/2015 at 5:33pm<b>Fandomtaco</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 9:41pm<b>Hyperspeed34</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 1:37am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 1:16am<b>kidtoy</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 7:48pm<b>Googolman</b> - the 06/17/2015 at 2:25am<b>darkstarrising</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 7:23am<b>tuxedoandex</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 12:00am<b>paigexox0</b> - the 03/12/2015 at 10:45pm<b>kingdomgirl123</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 3:35am<b>11bGrunT</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 12:12am<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 1:00am

Fucked!<b>Strajee</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 8:19am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 7:16am

HortonThelephant's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

See all of HortonThelephant's badges

HortonThelephant's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

by ironies a b*tch / 04/13/2013 at 1:04am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, as I was about to open a door at school, a student opened it and hit me. As I recovered and was about to open it again, someone else opened the door, hitting me again. Everyone laughed. FML

by Doors Hate Me / 03/02/2013 at 9:09am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to find all of the wood in my house either broken or gone. On the now legless table there was a note from my mother, saying that she needed the wood to build a boat, and that I will thank her when the world ends. FML

by woodless / 12/09/2012 at 10:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to find all of the wood in my house either broken or gone. On the now legless table there was a note from my mother, saying that she needed the wood to build a boat, and that I will thank her when the world ends. FML

by woodless / 12/09/2012 at 10:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, after declining an amazing job offer that pays more than double what I make now in order to accept a promotion my boss offered me if I stayed, I asked when I would receive the promotion and pay raise. She snorted and said, "You thought I was serious about that?" FML

by Fackwork / 05/30/2012 at 5:37am / United States (Iowa) / Work

Today, I decided to take a peek in my fiancé's vow book to see how far he's got. The only thing in there was the lyrics to a song from the movie Shrek. FML

by KMO / 02/25/2012 at 11:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2012 at 6:07pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2012 at 6:07pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2012 at 2:34am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I work at McDonald's. The entire crew, myself included, got visibly excited that we had new trash cans and dust pans. FML

by Tyler / 05/06/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML

by Dammit... / 11/19/2010 at 9:45pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I have a busy day of college work ahead of me. I figured I'd best have a good breakfast. Then I realised I'd completely ran out of food except for various types of sauces and condiments. So what am I having for breakfast today? That's right. A nice cup of Gravy. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2010 at 2:24am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my doctor told me I had "abnormally large breasts." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a 20 year old man. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2010 at 8:29pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML

by Broken / 08/03/2010 at 8:11am / United Arab Emirates (Abu Dhabi) / Love