About HomeAl0ne : Ahhah! Caught you peeking. Don't pretend you were just vacuuming naked and slipped and accidentally clicked on my nickname.....
OK, so what do you want to know, hmmm?
Yes, I'm really 52. Yes, I understand that seems improbable. Yes, I understand that the interwebs is for young people and that this makes me a creeper. Yes, I understand that I certainly shouldn't be using smiley faces and 'lol'. Yes, I understand that I must be lying about this, because otherwise you'd believe me.
If you'd like to find out anything else, or just drop by for a yarn, send me a PM.
Seen it!
You’ve watched 5 FML videos on the website, and commented on them.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33374) - you deserved it (9596)
On 03/08/2009 at 4:35pm - misc - by fashionVictim (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, the man I have been dating for 3 weeks, who told me he owns a high end restaurant in the city, handed me my lunch order through the drive-thru at Wendy's. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51061) - you deserved it (8329)
On 03/08/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by marge1010 (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I bragged to a coworker that our boss compliments me constantly on my work performance, my fashion sense, and my trustworthiness. She then directed me to a "neighborhood watch" website. My boss is a registered sex offender. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43676) - you deserved it (5867)
On 03/08/2009 at 12:47am - intimacy - by Kat (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was having a one night stand with a guy. he told me he wanted to do it doggie style. I said okay, and as soon as i bent over on the bed, looked at me and said "let's do this with the lights off". FML
I agree, your life sucks (41081) - you deserved it (10021)
On 03/07/2009 at 1:34am - misc - by fjafja - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I overheard my parents having sex. Trying to be the reasonable person I was, I dismissed it, realizing that sex is just normal. I quickly walked past their room when my cat ran past me into their room, cracking open the door. Now my parents think I was peeping and need therapy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63296) - you deserved it (3776)
On 03/06/2009 at 7:41pm - intimacy - by Kathrynn (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity filled. As she's drilling into my tooth, I feel the drill slip, and then she quickly stuffs gauze into my mouth. She nervously laughs and says to me "Wow! You must really be numb!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (123626) - you deserved it (3842)
On 03/06/2009 at 5:20pm - health - by Noname (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she said she heard us doing the nasty the night before and I denied it, hoping I could call her bluff. She paused for a moment and moaned EXACTLY like my girlfriend does. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16822) - you deserved it (55086)
On 03/06/2009 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by ToobyFrank - United States (Missouri)
Today, it was my final meeting with my psychologist who was helping me with my bipolar disorder. I just found out that he committed suicide. FML
I agree, your life sucks (98525) - you deserved it (3872)
On 03/06/2009 at 12:11pm - health - by drakx88 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden. Five minutes later, my friend told me that the girl had just given him a blowjob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53506) - you deserved it (8615)
On 03/06/2009 at 11:14am - intimacy - by cumguzzler - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I received a card in the mail. It was from my vet's office. Written inside was "We send our sympathy during this trying time." I haven't been home in three days. I can't find my dog and my mother won't talk about it. My dog was 7. She hated that dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56356) - you deserved it (1599)
On 03/05/2009 at 11:06am - animals - by nochance (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18247) - you deserved it (85168)
On 03/04/2009 at 2:03am - intimacy - by saddude (man) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML
I agree, your life sucks (121429) - you deserved it (12035)
On 03/03/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by eaa145 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43800) - you deserved it (35582)
On 03/03/2009 at 4:27pm - kids - by Fat Dad (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33378) - you deserved it (389327)
On 03/02/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by PicturePerfect (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I came home after a party to my parents, who confronted me. They said that my phone had made a pocket call to them and they heard a good half hour of people talking about drugs and alcohol. I confessed at that point. I checked my phone after. I hadn't called them in 3 days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14257) - you deserved it (50794)
On 03/02/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by Werner (man) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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